Holy Wow

As of about 4:15 this afternoon, I am completely finished with the academic coursework portion of my undergraduate degree. I'm still sitting here almost 3 hours later trying to wrap my head around the fact that I am done with college courses at this point in my life (and I only say that because I'm 95% confident that I will end up at graduate school someday.) I am a month away from student teaching, about 4 months away from graduation, and about to embark on actual adult life. And to be completely honest, I am so freaking beyond scared for all of that stuff to happen, it's not even funny. There are so many "what if's" that are going through my head right now. What if I hate student teaching? What if a middle school student makes me cry? What if a high school student outsmarts me? What if I'm a terrible teacher? What if I fail the Praxis II? Now, I've been told it's very normal to be scared about student teaching, and one of my education advisers told me she would be worried if I WASN'T scared. It's very overwhelming to suddenly try and synthesize 3.5 years of stuff I've learned in college into my head for everyday use, and it's even more overwhelming to think about the fact that I'm going to be in charge of actual STUDENTS, not just my fellow music majors pretending to be students. I'm sitting here thinking "Oh dear God, I don't remember anything about the alto saxophone;" "How do I play a Bb on a tuba;" "How do a put a new head on a snare drum?" It's scary. I'm so worried that I am going to let myself down, and let down everyone who has helped me along my journey of becoming a band director. But wanna know what's not scary? The fact that right alongside all the fear in my body is a whole bunch of excitement. I've spent the last 3.5 years learning about music, something I absolutely LOVE, and now I get to go out into the field and share that love with students. That's pretty damn awesome if you ask me.
So I'm scared. But I'm also excited. And I know that I've got a ton of people that will always believe in me and are there to cheer me on. So bring it on student teaching, I'm ready for you!