Jump into that water and see for yourself....

Being a teacher is what I've wanted to be "when I grow up" as far back as I remember, and tomorrow, I embark on my first day of my first student teaching placement. I've basically spent the last month bouncing back and forth between really excited, really nervous, really scared, and really not-sure-if-I-can-handle-this-whole-being-a-teacher-thing. I know a lot of the nerves is just me being me, and I've had plenty of people tell me that they would be more concerned about me if I wasn't nervous before taking this giant step that is *literally* the beginning of the staircase to my future. I don't feel like I'm under-prepared: I've had excellent professors at BV that have helped me expand the knowledge I already had, and given me new knowledge, and I don't feel like I have no business trying to pass some of that knowledge onto students: I've had more than one person tell me that they think I'm going to be a good teacher and that I've got great skills and knowledge to offer my students. The biggest problem is, once again, I am my own worst enemy. I can have every person that I lean on when I need support tell me that I'm awesome, and that I'm smart, and talented, and that I'm going to be just fine student teaching, but it's all no good if I don't believe it myself. A man that I respect a lot told me that everyday, I've got to remind myself that I can do this, and I don't have to face it alone.
I love a good metaphor every now and then, and a few weeks ago I was conversing with a close friend, and I came up with what I think is a really good one for the beginning of this next stage of my life. When I was 4 years old, I took swimming lessons at BV during the summer. Now, I hated going underwater, and refused to go underwater every time they asked us to. A lifeguard literally had to hold me while every other kid was going underwater because I refused to do it. Move it to a few weeks later ---- > we get to swimming lessons, and we find out that we are going to be thrown off the diving board into the 13 foot deep end of the pool. I had no choice in the matter, they were going to throw me off that diving board whether I liked it or not. Imagine my panic: I'm a little 4 year old who had never been under the water up to that point, and now they were going to throw me off the freaking diving board?!?!? Not cool, first of all, but nonetheless it happened. Naturally I made a huge deal of this whole thing because I'm Kelsey and I tend to make big deals out of things, but it's not like they were throwing me down there to die. There was another lifeguard waiting down in the water to help us swim to the side of the pool once we hit the water. So, I got to the end of that diving board, lifeguard #1 threw me to my doom (but not really,) and lifeguard #2 helped me paddle my way to the edge of the pool after I hit the water. Student teaching is A LOT like that situation. Tomorrow morning when I get to East Sac County High School in Lake View bright and early at 7 AM for jazz band, I am (metaphorically speaking) getting thrown off that diving board all over again. The difference is, I've got more than one lifeguard in the pool to help make sure that I don't drown. I've got my cooperating teacher, my advisor at BV all the teachers I've done previous field experiences with, my high school band director, my private lesson teacher, the music faculty at BV, my family, and my friends. That's a lot of bodies making sure that I keep my head above the water and make it to the edge of the pool safely at the end of this 8 week experience. There's another difference too. Little Kelsey was terrified of being under the water. 21 year old Kelsey has gotten over that fear, and doesn't mind going beneath the surface for a little bit to explore what's down there.
I've always been a person who likes to play it safe. Taking risks is not something that I do very often, and I don't like being in situations where I don't feel like I'm in control. That's part of the reason I hated going underwater as a kid- Lord knows what could happen down there (again, little Kelsey may have been overdramatic but just go with it.) One of the biggest things I've learned as I've grown up is that it's okay to want to be in control and play it safe, but it's impossible to control every single thing, and you shouldn't try to. It's okay to take a risk every now and then, and step outside the box that I've gotten very comfortable living inside. No matter how much I want to or try to, I cannot plan for every single obstacle or experience I'm going to have during my student teaching NOR can I control every single thing that's going to happen- it's impossible, because students are students, and every day is going to be different, and present new challenges to work around. The best thing that I can do is be confident in the knowledge and skills that I have, be flexible in my plans, remember all the people that are in the pool to make sure that I'm not going to drown, and go underneath that water and see what happens.
I want to be a teacher because I love my content- no matter what else was going on in my life, band, and my band director, were always there for me. I want to be for my students what my band director was for me: someone who I knew believed in me, and was always there for me when I needed him, and I want to pass on the INSANE love and passion I have for music. I've spent the last 3 and 1/2 years learning and experiencing things to prepare for this moment, and, as Jukebox the Ghost said, it's time to jump into that water and see for myself what the rest of my life is going to look like.

Let me tell ya about (one of) my BEST FRIENDSSS

Blog readers, meet Amy Jo:

This girl and I have been best friends for almost 17 YEARS. Crazy! We met on our first day of kindergarten on the South School playground in 1999. Me being the outspoken, mostly friendly child, walked right up to her, introduced myself, and asked if she wanted to be friends. She said yes, and thus our friendship was born. People don't always believe me when I say that's how we became best friends, but that's literally how it happened. Now, when we were younger, Ames and I couldn't have been more opposite. She was a huge tomboy, who hated wearing dresses, playing with Barbies, or playing house. I was a major girlie-girl who had a Barbie village in her basement and wore dresses as often as I could. It always struck me as odd that her and I could be such good friends despite the fact that we had NOTHING in common for a long time. As we've aged, she has become a bit more "girly" for lack of a better term, and we've discovered mutual love for some things that fuel the majority of our conversations (mainly Harry Potter.) We were in the same class from kindergarten to 4th grade, and even though we had different teachers in 4th grade, we still got to see each other at recess and eat lunch together. We made a huge deal of the fact that we were not together every single minute of the day, but we were just being overdramatic, as per usual. The transition to middle school was terrifying, because we knew we wouldn't be in every single class together, and we might only get to see each other once or twice a day. High school was a bit better, since we knew we would at least have two classes together (band and choir.) Having to say goodbye to Amy as she left Storm Lake for college while I was staying home and going to BV was really freaking hard. I was going from seeing my best friend every day since KINDERGARTEN, to maybe getting to talk a few times a week. There were lots of times that I missed having my best friend close, especially when I needed her advice, or needed her to make me laugh and get my mind off of something. As hard as it was and has been, I know it's definitely taught me to cherish the time that we do get to hang out together and be hooligans, and I would be willing to bet Ames will say the exact same thing.
In 17 years of friendship, I can only remember one BIG fight where Amy and I claimed we were "never going to be friends again." It lasted about a week. We were in middle school, it was all over something really stupid, it was really overdramatic, it happened. I'm glad it only took us a week to realize that we were both acting like idiots, and that throwing away our friendship over some stupid seventh-grade squabble would inevitably be a HUGE mistake. Even though we don't get to see each other as often as we would like, or get to talk as often as we like, I know that Amy will always be there for me, and she knows that I'm always going to be there for her. I'm really glad that kindergarten Kelsey walked up to her on the playground that first day of school, because 21 year old Kelsey has no idea what she would do without her. I can't wait to see where life takes both of us, and the crazy adventures that we are going to get into next!

20 Facts about...moi!!!

Hello my lovely readers. Boy, are you in for a treat today, because this post is going to be nothing but facts about ME! Some of you may already know some of these, or most of these, and some of you may learn a thing or two about the magical mystery tour that is Kelsey Monica Struck. To start things off, here's a collage of Kelsey selfies that I made just because.

1. I have an extreme love/hate relationship with my hair. I've got this insanely naturally wavy, super thick hair. I used to have really long hair when I was a kid, but after I cut off 10 inches between 3rd and 4th grade, it hasn't ever really grown past my shoulders since then. When it's long, it takes me roughly an hour to straighten it decently, and it really depends on the day whether or not it's going to look good or not. I was trying to grow it longer, but last fall I just got sick of it and had my stylist Sherrie cut 7 inches off on a Friday morning. It now only takes about 20 minutes to straighten decently. My only complaint about my short hair now is that I can't get it all in a ponytail when I'm lazy, and when I do pin-curls to get it wavy (like in the second picture of the top row,) the back of my hair looks like a really bad afro. 

2. I am almost 22 years old, and I have NEVER driven on an interstate. We don't go very many places that require the use of the interstate, because we are poor and my mom hates travelling, and I don't go places by myself, like ever, because who wants to go on a road trip by THEMSELVES? Not me, that's for sure. I've made it a priority this semester to drive on an interstate at least once, so we'll see who the lucky people that get to witness me freaking out over absolutely nothing while driving on said interstate.

3. I have never seen the original Star Wars movies. If some of you need to stop reading at this point because you are so sickened by me now, go ahead. I understand. It's not that I'm opposed to watching them, I've just never taken it upon myself to watch them, and none of my friends have ever been like "hey let's watch Star Wars." So again, if anyone out there wants to be with me when I experience "the Force" for the first time, let me know alright? 

4. I've had two surgeries in my life: I had my tonsils and adenoids removed when I was 10 years old, and I got my wisdom teeth removed my freshman year of college. On Election day, if you cared. And my tonsils got taken out on New Year's Even, if you care about that too. 

5. I've never had a boyfriend. There, I said it, and it's on the internet for ever. I'm only like 50% bitter/ashamed about it. I've had one relationship that didn't end up manifesting into a boyfriend/girlfriend thing (see "So, I just got friend-zoned" if you want to read more about that.) That being said, that one relationship did give me my first date ever, and it was a really good one, so any potential suitors out there have their work cut out for them. 

6. I am borderline obsessed with tacos. I could eat a taco every single day and be completely fine with it. Tacos are bae, tacos are life. 

7. I can pretty much quote the entire movie "Mean Girls." Back when movie rental places other than Redbox were a thing, we would always rent movies on Friday nights, and there was a good 3 month period where I rented Mean Girls every single time, and would watch it three times a weekend. My family pretty much refuses to watch it with me because I just sit and say every single line along with the movie.

8. I've been accused of having a large ego and being "over-confident" in my abilities, both in regards to music and academics, but it's all a front. I actually have very low self-esteem in my academics, music, how I look, my friendships, all of that. I don't want people to perceive me as being weak or sense that I have low-self esteem about pretty much every aspect of my life, so I overcompensate with the so-called "big ego." There are very few people in this world (before I put this on the internet, of course) that knew how low my self'-esteem really was. But now you all know it. Huzzah.

9. The only jewelry I really wear are earrings and a watch. I have lots of bracelets and necklaces, but when I wear them, I usually take them off because they bug me. I also can't stand wearing rings, mainly because I have super awkward fingers and even after I get them re-sized, they never fit and fall off my fingers. That might change once it's a nice diamond on my left finger (you know, provided I find someone that finds me appealing and I'm not forever alone with books and cats.) 

10. It doesn't matter if it's 50 degrees below zero outside, if I have the option of eating ice cream, I'm going to eat the ice cream. Blue Bunny ice cream. Preferably Peanut Butter Panic, Super Chunky Cookie Dough, Birthday Cake, or Super Fudge Brownie. In fact, I'm going to go get a bowl of ice cream right now.

11. I love to read, and I always have. I used to go to the public library at least 3 times a week every summer, and I would read an average of 150-200 books just during the summertime. I used to say that I didn't need friends as long as my mom kept buying me books and the public library never closed. I don't have nearly as much time to read now that I'm an adult with actual responsibilities, but I still have a vast collection of books that is ever growing, and I read whenever I get the chance.

12. My biggest fears in life are failing at my chosen career, being a disappointment to my parents, my mentors, and anyone whose ever believed in me and my goal of being a band director, and never finding love. 

13. I constantly worry that I'm a burden to my friends, or that they find me super annoying and only talk to me in the hopes that I'll go away. Particularly one friend who I love to talk to more than almost anything. Sigh.

14. Sometimes I like to dance around my bedroom to Britney Spears, NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, and NKOTB. I also sing into my hairbrush while I'm dancing around my bedroom. And I'm not ashamed of it at all.

15. I got a sewing machine for Christmas when I was in 3rd or 4th grade and I still don't know how to use it. I should have my mom teach me before I move out and become a real adult. 

16. I worked as a waitress the summer after I graduated high school, and it was the hardest job I've ever had in my life. Because of that experience, I always try to leave decent tips, provided the waiter/waitress we had was not sucky. 

17. I can crack my toes basically whenever I feel like it, and it apparently grosses people out really bad (therefore, I do it more often because I'm obnoxious.)

18. My worst habit is most definitely biting my nails. I've done it all my life, and even when I try super hard not to bite them, I can go maybe like 4 days before I give in. It's worse when I'm stressed out or nervous about something. If I paint my fingernails, I don't bite them, but I'm too lazy to paint them so that strategy never really works.

19. I would love to have a weekend where some of my friends and I just get in the car, and go somewhere completely random, jamming to awesome music in the car, having good conversation, and just being young. Hint hint to any friends that read this blog that think that would be cool.

AND FINALLY, the last fact.

20. The hardest question you could ever ask me is "What is your favorite band?" When this question is asked of me, I have to give you like a list of 6 bands because I can't make up my mind. Here's that list, the order doesn't necessarily matter after the first two because they all their amazing points that make me consider them one of my favorite bands: 

- The Beatles

- Jukebox the Ghost

- Sweet

- LHC (Liberty Hall Collective aka Kam's band)

- KISS

- The Eagles

So there you have it. 20 facts that barely scratch the surface of everything that is ME. Maybe you learned something new about me, maybe you are reading these closing remarks thinking "Kels, I already knew that stuff. Be original for God's sake," or maybe you don't actually care at all about the facts that make up my life (which is probably a lie because if you are reading this far into the post, you care at least a little bit, even if you don't want to admit it.) I'm pretty impressed with myself that I was able to come up with 20 facts in about an hour, because I thought this post was going to take through all of Jimmy Fallon, and HE HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET. Huzzah!!!!!