Let me start with this: I'm sorry. Dealing with a broken heart is unlike anything you've probably ever had to deal with before in your life- a whole new kind of pain, and I'm sorry you're having to go through that. Unfortunately, this probably won't be the last time you get your heart broken, but there's something about that first time that makes it sting worse than the others. I know what you're going through and how bad it sucks, so let me offer some advice.
Don't let anyone dictate how you handle this heartbreak. What I mean by that is this: every heartbreak is different, every person is different, every situation is different, and everyone handles all of that in a different way. Nobody has the right to tell you how to deal with it. Some people can get over it in weeks, or months. Some people, like me, have stretches where everything is fine, and then, out of nowhere, the pain comes back and you have a rough couple of days or weeks. Nobody is allowed to tell you that you've been grieving too long, or that you're being too dramatic about the whole thing, or that you just need to "move on." They'll handle their heartbreak in their way, you need to handle yours in the way that works for you. They might talk about you behind your back, about how you are handling this, and how they think you are handling it wrong. Let them. Screw them. You grieve for however long you need to grieve, sweetheart.
You don't have to go through this alone. You've got a mom who will sit on your bed with you at 3:00 in the morning while you sob for 3 hours. You've also got a mom who will buy you chocolate the next day, and jokingly threaten that "you better not have any rum in that glass" when you are drinking Diet Coke at 9:00 in the morning, just to try and get you to smile. You've got a friend who will sit with you and just let you cry on their shoulder. The same friend will be there anytime the feelings come back and you need to talk about them. This friend will also say anything to make you laugh or smile, just because they are sick of seeing you frowning and being sad. Of course, you'll have at least one friend who threatens to kick his ass the next time they see him, knowing full well that they wouldn't ever actually do it, but saying it because it's what you need to hear at the time. Use these people. It's a terrible idea to try and go through this alone, just trust me.
It's so easy to hate the guy who did this to you. You put your heart in his hands, and trusted that he wouldn't do anything to hurt it. And then he turned around and broke it, shattered it into a million pieces, or curbstomped it like a possum (inside joke.) Why wouldn't you hate him? I totally get it- about the third or fourth day, the tears and sadness get replaced with a ton of anger. It sounds crazy, but don't hate him. When you want to hate him, think about what made you fall in love with him in the first place. Whatever it is, it's still there, despite the heartbreak you've got right now. Try to think about it from his perspective: as awful as you feeling being the one with the broken heart, there's a good chance he feels just as awful about doing that to you. And even though he may never love you like you loved him, that doesn't mean he doesn't feel anything for you. "I might not be in love with you, but that doesn't mean I don't love you." A direct quote from the guy that broke my heart. It's possible to still be friends with that person, if that's what you want. Don't let anyone tell you that's what you need to do, though. If you are perfectly fine not having that person in your life at all, that's fine too. It might take time to rebuild that friendship, but if that's what you want, go for it. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't be friends with him again just because he broke your heart.
It's easy to hate him for doing this to you, but it's also a lot easier to hate yourself for "letting it happen." Read this next sentence carefully: THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Don't sit around and torture yourself by saying things like this: "I should have known this would happen." "I wish I had never met him." "We should have just stayed friends." You will drive yourself insane thinking like this. In Looking for Alaska, John Green says "We can't know better until knowing better is useless." Remember this quote. Taking chances, on people, on opportunities, on adventures is a part of life. You liked this guy, and you took a risk being with him. You knew what could happen, you just hoped and prayed in your heart that it wouldn't. That's part of the whole deal. If you knew that you were just going to get your heart broken, you wouldn't have taken a risk and told the cute drummer that you had a hardcore crush on him. Where's the fun in that? Playing it safe has it's moments, that's for sure, but sometimes you have to take the risk. You're going to take that risk again and again. It's okay.
It doesn't seem like it now, but things will get better. Right now, it probably seems like you should have run out of tears to cry and you should take out stock in Kleenex and Pillsbury Frosting, judging by how much of each you've gone through during this whole ordeal. It seems like NOBODY will ever make you feel like he did, and you'll never want anybody else because they could hang the freaking moon, but they won't ever be him. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There will be a day, many days in fact, where you don't cry. There will be days when you don't eat an entire tub of frosting and use an entire box of Kleenexes during your late night tear-sessions. And believe it or not, there will be days when your heart doesn't feel like it's in a million pieces. Now, be forewarned that there are terrible days interspersed with the good days. And that may happen for quite awhile. But someday, someone is going to come along, and they're going to have the magic glue that puts your heart back together. And while a piece of your heart will always be etched with the name of your first love, the magic glue person will love you in the exact way that you loved your first.
Keep your chin up sunshine. There's always gotta be some rain before you see the rainbow.
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