Please know that I'm trying. Trying really hard, as a matter of fact, to work through my emotions, my demons, my struggles. Please know that it's not you, well not completely anyway. You didn't ask for this, I know that, but neither did I. I don't get like this for your attention, or your sympathy, or your pity. I could live without all of that. I don't know why these emotions and thoughts come and go like they do, but I guess that's part of having a first love. A whole new experience that, unfortunately, ended really badly and left me very damaged. But please know that I'm trying every single day to work through it and get better. And please know that when I say things like "we shouldn't be friends" or "you'd be better off without me in your life," it's simply me trying to prevent you from having to deal with my mess, because that's not your job. I hope that someday these emotional swings stop, and we can just be the best friends that I so desperately want us to be. But right now, it's still just really hard. Harder than most anything I've ever had to deal with. But I'm trying. Please don't forget that.
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