Please know that I'm trying. Trying really hard, as a matter of fact, to work through my emotions, my demons, my struggles. Please know that it's not you, well not completely anyway. You didn't ask for this, I know that, but neither did I. I don't get like this for your attention, or your sympathy, or your pity. I could live without all of that. I don't know why these emotions and thoughts come and go like they do, but I guess that's part of having a first love. A whole new experience that, unfortunately, ended really badly and left me very damaged. But please know that I'm trying every single day to work through it and get better. And please know that when I say things like "we shouldn't be friends" or "you'd be better off without me in your life," it's simply me trying to prevent you from having to deal with my mess, because that's not your job. I hope that someday these emotional swings stop, and we can just be the best friends that I so desperately want us to be. But right now, it's still just really hard. Harder than most anything I've ever had to deal with. But I'm trying. Please don't forget that.
Monday, June 27, 2016
Sunday, June 26, 2016
A Penny for your Thoughts
Do you ever find yourself sitting around, thinking about all the "what if's" that life presents to us? This has been my life lately. Lots of thinking about the "what if's," mostly pertaining to a certain person in my life. I don't know if it's just how my brain works or what, but I hate the fact that in most situations that don't work out, not just this one that has been at the forefront of my mind most recently, I'm never going to know what could have been. I feel like my discouragement at that fact is a commonly shared thing. Maybe it's meant to be that way, because knowing how something may have worked out makes it harder to deal with the fact that it didn't work out. Or maybe it's the world's way of letting us pretend that we still get the happily-ever-after we wanted (and trust me, I think about that aspect of the above-mentioned situation way more often than I'm proud of.) In this time of my life, so many things are changing so rapidly, and I find myself lost in my thoughts, particularly those "what if" thoughts. Sometimes it's great to envision my happily-ever-after, but most of the time I just get very depressed that I'm never going to get said happily-ever-after and I spend the night crying into my vodka lemonades (my latest drink of choice.) I try to keep myself busy and otherwise mentally occupied so my mind doesn't have as many chances to wander to that certain person mentioned above, but lately my efforts have been for naught. I saw a quote on Pinterest the other day that read "If you can't get someone off your mind, they are probably supposed to be there." But that doesn't help me figure out what to do when my brain is being suffocated by thoughts of said person, and the tear-inducing "what if's." Sigh. Any advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated.
Au Revoir.
Au Revoir.
Thursday, June 2, 2016
Reverse Bucket-List
I've been wanting to write a post for a few days now, but inspiration has not been striking me. I usually have something going on in my life that I can write about, or I just get a really good idea about something interesting to write, but that hasn't been the case lately. SOOO, I turned to Pinterest. And I found a pin titled "30 Blog Post Ideas for When You Feel Uninspired." Perfect for me. One of the suggestions was to write about your "reverse bucket list:" not things you want to do in your life before you kick it, but things that you've already done. Lucky for me, I've got both a "Bucket List" and a "Finished Bucket List" Pinterest board, so I am going to pull some things off of the latter and use them as inspiration for this post- to share some of the awesome things that I've been privileged to do in my short 22 years of life!! Here we go.
1. Catch a Bride's Bouquet
- This is actually kind of a funny story. In my life, I have caught the bouquet at a wedding reception 3 times. The best part: I was 8 years old when I caught two of said-bouquets. Yes, eight years old. I don't know if I've addressed the enormity of my Struck family in a previous post, but basically, it's a huge family. My dad is one of 10 kids, and I am one of 32 grandchildren. I'm also the second youngest grandchild, so I've got LOTS of cousins that were getting married when I was young. The summer when I was 8, my cousin Hillary and my cousin Amanda both got married about 3 weeks apart. I was a little twerp running around in the cute dresses my mom made me, braids in my hair, and dancing like a maniac. And because I wanted to be just like all the older girls, I made my way to the dance floor when the bride was getting ready to throw the bouquet. When I caught the bouquet at Hillary's wedding, my family just thought it was "cute." But when I caught the bouquet again at Amanda's wedding about 3 weeks later, my aunts started telling my mom that she needed to start sewing me a wedding dress, because I was obviously going to get married sometime soon. (Seriously, aunts, I WAS EIGHT.) I was in high school when I caught the third bouquet, also at a cousin's wedding (unfortunately, that one ended in divorce. Maybe that's why I am still super single despite all these bouquets I've caught.)
2. Spend the Night at an Aquarium
- I was in Girl Scouts from kindergarten until I graduated from high school. Being in Girl Scouts was awesome, and I got to do lots of awesome stuff that I for sure wouldn't have gotten to do if I wasn't in Scouts. Going to summer camp, going on two road-trips around Iowa two summers in a row, selling a bazillion boxes of cookies, etc. When I was in second grade, my mom, another girl from my troop and her mom, and I made our way to Omaha, NE on a Friday night for an adventure at the Henry Doorly Zoo. And YES, we got to spend the night in the aquarium. We also got to go on a night-hike around the zoo and see all the animals at night, ride on the carousel, and see the newly-opened (at the time) Desert Dome exhibit. My only complaint about spending the night in the aquarium is that penguins are PARTY ANIMALS at night. Very LOUD party animals.
3. Have a Best Friend Who Will Never Let Me Down
- I consider myself VERY fortunate, because I've got more than one best friend who I know will always be there for me. Amy Jo (who I wrote a post about earlier) has been there for me since 1999, that's the last century dudes! She's always supported everything I want to do, and has been one of my biggest cheerleaders, and I know that that is going to continue as we go through life (we always joke that we are going to be the rebel-rousers at the nursing home someday.) I'm also super fortunate to have made two more best friends during my time at college: Kam and KT.
Kam is kind of like my Yoda- I turn to him when I need sincere advice, when I need someone to remind me that they believe in me and love me, or when I need someone to tell me to stop being dramatic. (He's really good at that part.) We also have a LOT in common when it comes to the music we listen to, so he's become my concert buddy- he's been with me at every single concert I've attended in my life. He's also super smart and talented, and has been helping me plan curriculum for my new teaching job (not going to lie, I get a little bitter when I sit and think about how to do something for days, and Kam can just come up with a really good idea off the top of his head. Maybe I should have him just come help me in my classrooms for a few days this summer.)
KT is a wonderful human being- there is so much that I went through this last year that I couldn't have gotten through if it weren't for her. She makes me laugh and smile when I just wanted to cry. She also spent a fair amount of time sitting with me in the Edson bathroom while I sobbed my eyes out, and just reminded me that things are going to be okay. It's also nice to know that I'm always going to hear a happy "Miss Kelsey!" exclamation whenever she sees me! I already miss her like crazy, but it will be a lot of fun hanging out when I get my own place next year!
4. Donate my Hair to Locks of Love
- I donated a 13 inch ponytail to Locks of Love the summer before I started 4th grade. I had had long hair for most of my life, so the removal of that 13 inch ponytail was a drastic change. Since then, my hair really hasn't grown long anymore- it gets to my shoulders and kind of just stays there.
5. Feel Like a Barbie Doll
- This happened my senior year of high school. My dad got really sick when I was a senior, and couldn't work. Money was really tight, our home was really stressful, and I was a wreck. I had planned on going to prom with my friends, but in a typical dramatic Kelsey fashion, I told my family that I wouldn't go because we couldn't afford to get a dress and a hair appointment and flowers and the dinner ticket and all of that stuff. A more appropriate title for this one should be "feel like Cinderella," because I got blessed with two fairy godmothers: Juli Kwikkel and Jodi Thiesen. Juli is my mom's boss, and when she found out that I wasn't going to prom because we didn't have the money, she wouldn't hear of it. I wore one of her daughter's dresses, and she bought my corsage to wear with my dress. Jodi was my guidance counselor, and was well informed of the situation happening at home. An alum of my high school had reached out, wanting to know if there were any girls who wanted to go to prom but couldn't afford to get their hair done. She ended up giving me a whole make-over because Jodi gave her my name and told her about the stuff happening at home. I got my hair high-lighted, and got a super make-over the day of prom. Those two ladies made sure that I would get a chance to experience prom with my friends, and getting made over like a Barbie doll was a pretty fun time.
There's still so many things I want to do and experience in my life, but it's nice to take a step back and talk about all the cool things that have already happened in my life. Be on the look-out for more posts of this nature in the future, and maybe some posts about some of the things I want to do.
As always, thank you for reading these posts. If you ever have any suggestions of things I can write about, or things you want me to write about, shoot them my way!
Ciao!
1. Catch a Bride's Bouquet
- This is actually kind of a funny story. In my life, I have caught the bouquet at a wedding reception 3 times. The best part: I was 8 years old when I caught two of said-bouquets. Yes, eight years old. I don't know if I've addressed the enormity of my Struck family in a previous post, but basically, it's a huge family. My dad is one of 10 kids, and I am one of 32 grandchildren. I'm also the second youngest grandchild, so I've got LOTS of cousins that were getting married when I was young. The summer when I was 8, my cousin Hillary and my cousin Amanda both got married about 3 weeks apart. I was a little twerp running around in the cute dresses my mom made me, braids in my hair, and dancing like a maniac. And because I wanted to be just like all the older girls, I made my way to the dance floor when the bride was getting ready to throw the bouquet. When I caught the bouquet at Hillary's wedding, my family just thought it was "cute." But when I caught the bouquet again at Amanda's wedding about 3 weeks later, my aunts started telling my mom that she needed to start sewing me a wedding dress, because I was obviously going to get married sometime soon. (Seriously, aunts, I WAS EIGHT.) I was in high school when I caught the third bouquet, also at a cousin's wedding (unfortunately, that one ended in divorce. Maybe that's why I am still super single despite all these bouquets I've caught.)
2. Spend the Night at an Aquarium
- I was in Girl Scouts from kindergarten until I graduated from high school. Being in Girl Scouts was awesome, and I got to do lots of awesome stuff that I for sure wouldn't have gotten to do if I wasn't in Scouts. Going to summer camp, going on two road-trips around Iowa two summers in a row, selling a bazillion boxes of cookies, etc. When I was in second grade, my mom, another girl from my troop and her mom, and I made our way to Omaha, NE on a Friday night for an adventure at the Henry Doorly Zoo. And YES, we got to spend the night in the aquarium. We also got to go on a night-hike around the zoo and see all the animals at night, ride on the carousel, and see the newly-opened (at the time) Desert Dome exhibit. My only complaint about spending the night in the aquarium is that penguins are PARTY ANIMALS at night. Very LOUD party animals.
3. Have a Best Friend Who Will Never Let Me Down
- I consider myself VERY fortunate, because I've got more than one best friend who I know will always be there for me. Amy Jo (who I wrote a post about earlier) has been there for me since 1999, that's the last century dudes! She's always supported everything I want to do, and has been one of my biggest cheerleaders, and I know that that is going to continue as we go through life (we always joke that we are going to be the rebel-rousers at the nursing home someday.) I'm also super fortunate to have made two more best friends during my time at college: Kam and KT.
Kam is kind of like my Yoda- I turn to him when I need sincere advice, when I need someone to remind me that they believe in me and love me, or when I need someone to tell me to stop being dramatic. (He's really good at that part.) We also have a LOT in common when it comes to the music we listen to, so he's become my concert buddy- he's been with me at every single concert I've attended in my life. He's also super smart and talented, and has been helping me plan curriculum for my new teaching job (not going to lie, I get a little bitter when I sit and think about how to do something for days, and Kam can just come up with a really good idea off the top of his head. Maybe I should have him just come help me in my classrooms for a few days this summer.)
KT is a wonderful human being- there is so much that I went through this last year that I couldn't have gotten through if it weren't for her. She makes me laugh and smile when I just wanted to cry. She also spent a fair amount of time sitting with me in the Edson bathroom while I sobbed my eyes out, and just reminded me that things are going to be okay. It's also nice to know that I'm always going to hear a happy "Miss Kelsey!" exclamation whenever she sees me! I already miss her like crazy, but it will be a lot of fun hanging out when I get my own place next year!
4. Donate my Hair to Locks of Love
- I donated a 13 inch ponytail to Locks of Love the summer before I started 4th grade. I had had long hair for most of my life, so the removal of that 13 inch ponytail was a drastic change. Since then, my hair really hasn't grown long anymore- it gets to my shoulders and kind of just stays there.
5. Feel Like a Barbie Doll
- This happened my senior year of high school. My dad got really sick when I was a senior, and couldn't work. Money was really tight, our home was really stressful, and I was a wreck. I had planned on going to prom with my friends, but in a typical dramatic Kelsey fashion, I told my family that I wouldn't go because we couldn't afford to get a dress and a hair appointment and flowers and the dinner ticket and all of that stuff. A more appropriate title for this one should be "feel like Cinderella," because I got blessed with two fairy godmothers: Juli Kwikkel and Jodi Thiesen. Juli is my mom's boss, and when she found out that I wasn't going to prom because we didn't have the money, she wouldn't hear of it. I wore one of her daughter's dresses, and she bought my corsage to wear with my dress. Jodi was my guidance counselor, and was well informed of the situation happening at home. An alum of my high school had reached out, wanting to know if there were any girls who wanted to go to prom but couldn't afford to get their hair done. She ended up giving me a whole make-over because Jodi gave her my name and told her about the stuff happening at home. I got my hair high-lighted, and got a super make-over the day of prom. Those two ladies made sure that I would get a chance to experience prom with my friends, and getting made over like a Barbie doll was a pretty fun time.
There's still so many things I want to do and experience in my life, but it's nice to take a step back and talk about all the cool things that have already happened in my life. Be on the look-out for more posts of this nature in the future, and maybe some posts about some of the things I want to do.
As always, thank you for reading these posts. If you ever have any suggestions of things I can write about, or things you want me to write about, shoot them my way!
Ciao!
Monday, May 23, 2016
And so it begins.
The last week has been very momentous in my life. That's right, readers. You are feasting your eyes upon my first blog post as a college graduate. (Please, hold the applause. It really isn't that big of a deal.) Let's keep some order while I outline the craziness that this last week (and really, this last semester) has been in the life on me, myself, and I.
1. Student teaching has come and gone. What a crazy experience (and I mean crazy in a good sense.) I posted the night before my first day at my first placement about jumping into this unknown experience and seeing what it had to offer. I was so scared that I was going to fail, but I was also cognoscente (I just really like that word) of all the help and support that I had surrounding me while on this roller coaster called student teaching. I'm going to be straight-up with you guys here: my first few weeks of student teaching were really hard. I cried a lot, I felt terrible about my preparation as a teacher, and I wanted to quit. The worst part wasn't that I thought I was bad at teaching, it was that I was so afraid that the career I had wanted to do for the greater majority of my life wasn't going to work out. I remember a conversation with a friend where he casually asked me how student teaching was going, thinking he was going to get a casual "Oh, it's fine" answer. Instead he got LONNG snaps about how terrible I felt about it, how much I hated it, and how much I wanted to quit. That friend told me to remember how big of an adjustment I was making- going from student to teacher. And that friend also told me that he knew I could do it, and that quitting would be a huge mistake. The most important thing I remember from that conversation is him saying "it's going to get better." Well, he was right. It did get better. I slowly became more and more comfortable in the role of teacher, I got to know my students, and I really began having a ton of fun. It's crazy to think how close I grew with the other teachers and students at each of my placements in just 8 short weeks. I sobbed the entire way home last Thursday after my last day at Spencer Middle School because I was just going to miss those kids so much. If I can bond that much with students in 8 weeks, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be a crazy wreck when I have to say goodbye to my own students. Student teaching taught me a lot about myself- not just about myself as an educator, but myself as a person. I'm not going to share a lot of that because frankly you guys probably don't care and I would like to move onto the next point. If you're really invested and want to know *ALL* the things I learned about myself throughout my student teaching process, that's a conversation we can have (maybe, depending on who you are.)
2. I am happy to say that I am gainfully employed for the 2016-2017 school year! This didn't happen in the last week, but since I haven't put that bit of information out on this blog for all 6 of you guys to read, I'll put it on here now. I actually got a job in the district where I did my first student teaching placement, which I'm really excited about. I LOVED the other music teachers, and the administration impressed me from the start, which made taking the job really easy when it was offered to me. I will be a K-6 general music teacher. Yes, you read that right. Not a band director. General music teacher. I'm equal parts super excited and super terrified for this endeavor, mainly because I still feel like I have absolutely no freaking CLUE what I am doing. I've got lots of good ideas bouncing around in my head, and once I get them organized I think I'll feel a lot more confident about the whole thing, but right now I'm just overwhelmed and chaotic. But it will be alright.
3. Saturday, I walked across the stage in Siebens Fieldhouse, shook Fred Moore's hand, and officially graduated from Buena Vista University. Everyone's been congratulating me and stuff, but it doesn't feel real yet. I don't know what it is. I know I will start to feel real when I get my actual diploma, when my teaching license is issued, when I find out how much those monthly student loan payments are going to be, and definitely once the school year gets closer. But for now I just feel like I'm floating around aimlessly- no longer a student, but I don't feel like a teacher necessarily either. I don't know. I wasn't really that sad on graduation day until I saw my underclassmen friends at the Baccalaureate service, then I got sad. I don't want to leave them. I'm only going to be 30 minutes away, but still. That brings me to the next point.
4. Everything is about to change with my friends. I know it's going to happen, I don't think I can stop it, and it sucks. It already has changed. My friends have gone home for the summer, where they have their own lives, friends, etc, etc, etc. We won't see each other for months, we don't talk as much as we used to, and it's just got me feeling very lonely. Everything else in my life has gone all fruit basket upset on me, and those relationships are things I don't want to change. I know I'll make new friends in my colleagues and when I move to another town. But too much is changing all at once and it's just very overwhelming. I've yet to find a good way to deal with it (and if anybody out there has any ideas, let me know.)
That's about all the thoughts in my head for right now. Last week was long and full of happenings, so this week I'm hoping to chill out a bit and take it easy before my long summer of curriculum planning and French horn playing begins. Sigh.
1. Student teaching has come and gone. What a crazy experience (and I mean crazy in a good sense.) I posted the night before my first day at my first placement about jumping into this unknown experience and seeing what it had to offer. I was so scared that I was going to fail, but I was also cognoscente (I just really like that word) of all the help and support that I had surrounding me while on this roller coaster called student teaching. I'm going to be straight-up with you guys here: my first few weeks of student teaching were really hard. I cried a lot, I felt terrible about my preparation as a teacher, and I wanted to quit. The worst part wasn't that I thought I was bad at teaching, it was that I was so afraid that the career I had wanted to do for the greater majority of my life wasn't going to work out. I remember a conversation with a friend where he casually asked me how student teaching was going, thinking he was going to get a casual "Oh, it's fine" answer. Instead he got LONNG snaps about how terrible I felt about it, how much I hated it, and how much I wanted to quit. That friend told me to remember how big of an adjustment I was making- going from student to teacher. And that friend also told me that he knew I could do it, and that quitting would be a huge mistake. The most important thing I remember from that conversation is him saying "it's going to get better." Well, he was right. It did get better. I slowly became more and more comfortable in the role of teacher, I got to know my students, and I really began having a ton of fun. It's crazy to think how close I grew with the other teachers and students at each of my placements in just 8 short weeks. I sobbed the entire way home last Thursday after my last day at Spencer Middle School because I was just going to miss those kids so much. If I can bond that much with students in 8 weeks, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be a crazy wreck when I have to say goodbye to my own students. Student teaching taught me a lot about myself- not just about myself as an educator, but myself as a person. I'm not going to share a lot of that because frankly you guys probably don't care and I would like to move onto the next point. If you're really invested and want to know *ALL* the things I learned about myself throughout my student teaching process, that's a conversation we can have (maybe, depending on who you are.)
2. I am happy to say that I am gainfully employed for the 2016-2017 school year! This didn't happen in the last week, but since I haven't put that bit of information out on this blog for all 6 of you guys to read, I'll put it on here now. I actually got a job in the district where I did my first student teaching placement, which I'm really excited about. I LOVED the other music teachers, and the administration impressed me from the start, which made taking the job really easy when it was offered to me. I will be a K-6 general music teacher. Yes, you read that right. Not a band director. General music teacher. I'm equal parts super excited and super terrified for this endeavor, mainly because I still feel like I have absolutely no freaking CLUE what I am doing. I've got lots of good ideas bouncing around in my head, and once I get them organized I think I'll feel a lot more confident about the whole thing, but right now I'm just overwhelmed and chaotic. But it will be alright.
3. Saturday, I walked across the stage in Siebens Fieldhouse, shook Fred Moore's hand, and officially graduated from Buena Vista University. Everyone's been congratulating me and stuff, but it doesn't feel real yet. I don't know what it is. I know I will start to feel real when I get my actual diploma, when my teaching license is issued, when I find out how much those monthly student loan payments are going to be, and definitely once the school year gets closer. But for now I just feel like I'm floating around aimlessly- no longer a student, but I don't feel like a teacher necessarily either. I don't know. I wasn't really that sad on graduation day until I saw my underclassmen friends at the Baccalaureate service, then I got sad. I don't want to leave them. I'm only going to be 30 minutes away, but still. That brings me to the next point.
4. Everything is about to change with my friends. I know it's going to happen, I don't think I can stop it, and it sucks. It already has changed. My friends have gone home for the summer, where they have their own lives, friends, etc, etc, etc. We won't see each other for months, we don't talk as much as we used to, and it's just got me feeling very lonely. Everything else in my life has gone all fruit basket upset on me, and those relationships are things I don't want to change. I know I'll make new friends in my colleagues and when I move to another town. But too much is changing all at once and it's just very overwhelming. I've yet to find a good way to deal with it (and if anybody out there has any ideas, let me know.)
That's about all the thoughts in my head for right now. Last week was long and full of happenings, so this week I'm hoping to chill out a bit and take it easy before my long summer of curriculum planning and French horn playing begins. Sigh.
Sunday, April 10, 2016
Did everybody say what a good day that it was??
Guys, it finally happened. After months of anticipation, excitement, and waiting, I FINALLY got to see Jukebox the Ghost live in concert. February 20, 2016 is going to be a day that I'm not going to forget (mainly because I'm blogging about it and it will be on the internet forever, so if the day comes where I do forget, I can just read about it on the internet.) You are about to get a [mostly] full play by play of the events once we left Storm Lake and journeyed to the north part of Omaha for the concert. Get excited kids, because this blog is gonna be a good one.
So, as I've mentioned in previous posts, Kam was going to be attending this concert with me. This was great because I wouldn't even know JtG existed if it wasn't for him, and it's really hard in our busy schedules for find time to hang out with me student teaching and what not, so I was really looking forward to getting to spend some time with him along with seeing this amazing band that changed my life. Kam's friend Alejandra ended up getting a ticket to the concert and came along with us as well. The more the merrier, right? We left SL a little after 3:00 and began making our way towards the big city (in comparison to other cities, Omaha really isn't that big, but I'm from SL, so to me, it's a big city. Back to the story ---->) My bargain with Kam is that I would pay for his ticket to the concert if he drove, because this small-town girl does NOT do interstate driving or city driving (although I should probably get over that fear and get some practice doing both of those things.) The trip got off to an....adventurous start when Kam got pulled over for speeding by the Ida County sheriff. Luckily, that charming son of a gun managed to get away with a written warning. He was VERY careful to drive the speed limit the rest of the way there and home, however ;) ;) So we eventually made it to Omaha, got to "North Omaha" and found a place to park. As we were walking from the truck towards the venue, the Waiting Room Lounge, we could actually hear JtG doing their sound check. Soooo naturally we ran over there, looked through the window, and there they were. JtG, in all their glorious perfection, doing the sound check. It was at this point that I got VERY excited for what the night had in store for me. Food was the first priority before the concert, so we started roaming looking for some place to acquire nourishment. There was this pizza place that smelled seriously amazing, but we weren't willing to commit to the 30 minute wait, so that didn't happen. Another restaurant in our price range was also very busy, so we ended up eating at Subway. (I know what you are all thinking, you guys were in OMAHA and you ate at Subway. Yes, we did. Move on already.)
After the foods, we made our way back down to the venue for the LONG wait for the doors to open at 8:00 PM. It got very cold, and my biggest complaint was that I didn't make the wisest choice when it came to footwear and my feet were literally frozen. Kam assured me that it would all be worth it because we were at the front of the line and that meant we'd get AH-MAZING seats for the concert itself. As more and more people showed up, and the line grew longer and longer, I had to admit to myself that he was right (although, I'd never actually admit that to him. Lawlz.) The coolest part of the whole standing in line thing was that we ACTUALLY SAW JtG walking across the street from this super fancy and classy restaurant to get into the venue. It actually wasn't nearly as cool as I'm making it out to be right now, but #details. 8:00 finally arrived, the doors opened, and we were that much closer to the concert. I'm convinced one of the greatest parts of being 21, besides you know, legally being able to buy and consume alcohol, is the fact that when you go to any sort of event at a bar/club, you get a nifty little bracelet that screams "I'm 21 or over, huzzah!" whereas all the young ones, such as Kam and Alejandra, got GIANT, and I mean GIANT, black X's on each of their hands that scream "I'm young!" Being that we were like the fourth people in line, we bee-lined for the front, and we were literally standing right on the edge of the stage. We decided (and when I say we, I mostly mean Kam decided) that we would buy the majority of our merchandise before the show even started, because that would avoid the whole long-lines thing after the show, and then we would be well-prepared to get everything signed by the band when the concert was finito. So, we did that whole "here take all of my money and my first born child for all this concert merchandise" thing, and then it was just....a matter of time before the concert started. (See what I did there.. because JtG has a song called "A Matter of Time...." get it? get it?) Anyways...
FINALLY. 9;00 had arrived, and the opening band came out on stage. Allow me to share with you the first observations I was making in my head as the opener (there a band called Mainland btdubs) came onto the stage:
1. Holy toledo, that is one attractive bass player.
2. This lead guitar guy looks like he walked out of the 1950s.
3. But seriously, that bass player.
So, if you can't tell, the bass player was my favorite part of Mainland, and I took a bunch of pictures of him and pretty much just fangirl stared at him the whole time. To be completely honest, I wasn't expecting much from the opening band, because a) I didn't pay or travel 3 hours to see them and b) see reason A. But these guys were really good. Really good. They finished their set, I stole the set list off the stage after they left, and then it was.... ONLY A MATTER OF TIME before JtG would hit the stage. (That was a punny reference to a JtG song. Maybe I thought it was punny, you probably thought it was lame, but this is my blog so I do what I want.)
Finally, they came onto the stage. Jukebox the Ghost. They were getting all their equipment and cords and other rockstar things that you have to prepare ready before they started their set. Like the total fangirl I am, I had my camera at the ready, snapping pictures left and right of them getting ready to do the whole rockstar thing. Tommy Siegel (he's a guy in the band, duh) saw me with my camera snapping shots, AND ACTUALLY STOPPED WHAT HE WAS DOING TO POSE FOR MY PICTURE. Yes, that actually happened. It was magical. And, I was about 3 feet away from Ben Thornewill, the most attractive member of JtG. The girl standing behind-ish me was like "Hi Ben, how are you?" And, he must have thought it was me asking...BECAUSE HE LOOKED RIGHT INTO MY EYES AND WAS LIKE "HOW ARE YOU?" WE MADE SERIOUS EYE CONTACT IN THAT MOMENT, AND IT WAS MAGICAL. Okay, so they got all their stuff set up, and then it was time. They came out and started their set. I was so ready.
I'm not going to go into a lot of details about the concert because I'm pretty sure we all know how a concert works: I fangirl like crazy, the band sings songs, I sing along very loudly and take lots of pictures, and then they finish. That's pretty much how the concert went. I will mention one song specifically just because it was cool. In one of my earlier posts about JtG, I specifically mentioned the song "The Great Unknown" because it just like punched me in the feels a lot. Apparently, this is not a song that they guys sing at live shows very often. But, wait for it, THEY SANG IT AT THE OMAHA SHOW. I repeat, THEY SANG IT AT THE OMAHA SHOW. Of course, I video-taped the entire thing, sang along, and cried throughout the entire thing. I lucked out, that's for sure. The coolest thing about this concert is that I was seeing this band that had such a profound impact on me from the first time I listened to them, and I made direct eye contact with each member of the band at least 20 times during the set. It's hard for me to describe what seeing these guys live meant to me, but it was amazing, and I'm just going to leave it at that.
After the show was over, we made another run to the merch table, mainly to buy some stuff from Mainland (they were the opener, remember?) We got to talk to those guys and they were super chill. I'm really into their music and I hope to see them again sometime soon. But, I was mostly excited to meet the members of JtG. I got to have a mini, sort of "hey the show was awesome" conversation with each of them, get some of my merch signed, and get a picture taken with each member of the band. A perfect ending to my first indie-band concert experience.
Now, I'm going to be honest. The drive home sucked. We didn't leave Omaha until after midnight, and it's a 3 hour drive back to Storm Lake. I was on a student-teaching schedule, which meant that I was used to going to bed at about 9:00 pm, and I didn't even get into my house until 4 AM. I woke up the next morning extremely fatigued, sore beyond repair from the car ride, and I sounded like I smoked two packs a day. But, it was more than worth it. Because I got to see my second favorite band with my first favorite person (that's you Kam.) I can't wait until I get the opportunity to see them again, and hopefully it will be SOON!!
Top Left: Ben Thornewill (he plays piano and sings. He's also my future husband but he doesn't know that yet.)
Top Right: Jesse Kristin (drums)
Bottom Left: Tommy Siegel (much more attractive in person, I promise.)
So, as I've mentioned in previous posts, Kam was going to be attending this concert with me. This was great because I wouldn't even know JtG existed if it wasn't for him, and it's really hard in our busy schedules for find time to hang out with me student teaching and what not, so I was really looking forward to getting to spend some time with him along with seeing this amazing band that changed my life. Kam's friend Alejandra ended up getting a ticket to the concert and came along with us as well. The more the merrier, right? We left SL a little after 3:00 and began making our way towards the big city (in comparison to other cities, Omaha really isn't that big, but I'm from SL, so to me, it's a big city. Back to the story ---->) My bargain with Kam is that I would pay for his ticket to the concert if he drove, because this small-town girl does NOT do interstate driving or city driving (although I should probably get over that fear and get some practice doing both of those things.) The trip got off to an....adventurous start when Kam got pulled over for speeding by the Ida County sheriff. Luckily, that charming son of a gun managed to get away with a written warning. He was VERY careful to drive the speed limit the rest of the way there and home, however ;) ;) So we eventually made it to Omaha, got to "North Omaha" and found a place to park. As we were walking from the truck towards the venue, the Waiting Room Lounge, we could actually hear JtG doing their sound check. Soooo naturally we ran over there, looked through the window, and there they were. JtG, in all their glorious perfection, doing the sound check. It was at this point that I got VERY excited for what the night had in store for me. Food was the first priority before the concert, so we started roaming looking for some place to acquire nourishment. There was this pizza place that smelled seriously amazing, but we weren't willing to commit to the 30 minute wait, so that didn't happen. Another restaurant in our price range was also very busy, so we ended up eating at Subway. (I know what you are all thinking, you guys were in OMAHA and you ate at Subway. Yes, we did. Move on already.)
After the foods, we made our way back down to the venue for the LONG wait for the doors to open at 8:00 PM. It got very cold, and my biggest complaint was that I didn't make the wisest choice when it came to footwear and my feet were literally frozen. Kam assured me that it would all be worth it because we were at the front of the line and that meant we'd get AH-MAZING seats for the concert itself. As more and more people showed up, and the line grew longer and longer, I had to admit to myself that he was right (although, I'd never actually admit that to him. Lawlz.) The coolest part of the whole standing in line thing was that we ACTUALLY SAW JtG walking across the street from this super fancy and classy restaurant to get into the venue. It actually wasn't nearly as cool as I'm making it out to be right now, but #details. 8:00 finally arrived, the doors opened, and we were that much closer to the concert. I'm convinced one of the greatest parts of being 21, besides you know, legally being able to buy and consume alcohol, is the fact that when you go to any sort of event at a bar/club, you get a nifty little bracelet that screams "I'm 21 or over, huzzah!" whereas all the young ones, such as Kam and Alejandra, got GIANT, and I mean GIANT, black X's on each of their hands that scream "I'm young!" Being that we were like the fourth people in line, we bee-lined for the front, and we were literally standing right on the edge of the stage. We decided (and when I say we, I mostly mean Kam decided) that we would buy the majority of our merchandise before the show even started, because that would avoid the whole long-lines thing after the show, and then we would be well-prepared to get everything signed by the band when the concert was finito. So, we did that whole "here take all of my money and my first born child for all this concert merchandise" thing, and then it was just....a matter of time before the concert started. (See what I did there.. because JtG has a song called "A Matter of Time...." get it? get it?) Anyways...
FINALLY. 9;00 had arrived, and the opening band came out on stage. Allow me to share with you the first observations I was making in my head as the opener (there a band called Mainland btdubs) came onto the stage:
1. Holy toledo, that is one attractive bass player.
2. This lead guitar guy looks like he walked out of the 1950s.
3. But seriously, that bass player.
So, if you can't tell, the bass player was my favorite part of Mainland, and I took a bunch of pictures of him and pretty much just fangirl stared at him the whole time. To be completely honest, I wasn't expecting much from the opening band, because a) I didn't pay or travel 3 hours to see them and b) see reason A. But these guys were really good. Really good. They finished their set, I stole the set list off the stage after they left, and then it was.... ONLY A MATTER OF TIME before JtG would hit the stage. (That was a punny reference to a JtG song. Maybe I thought it was punny, you probably thought it was lame, but this is my blog so I do what I want.)
Finally, they came onto the stage. Jukebox the Ghost. They were getting all their equipment and cords and other rockstar things that you have to prepare ready before they started their set. Like the total fangirl I am, I had my camera at the ready, snapping pictures left and right of them getting ready to do the whole rockstar thing. Tommy Siegel (he's a guy in the band, duh) saw me with my camera snapping shots, AND ACTUALLY STOPPED WHAT HE WAS DOING TO POSE FOR MY PICTURE. Yes, that actually happened. It was magical. And, I was about 3 feet away from Ben Thornewill, the most attractive member of JtG. The girl standing behind-ish me was like "Hi Ben, how are you?" And, he must have thought it was me asking...BECAUSE HE LOOKED RIGHT INTO MY EYES AND WAS LIKE "HOW ARE YOU?" WE MADE SERIOUS EYE CONTACT IN THAT MOMENT, AND IT WAS MAGICAL. Okay, so they got all their stuff set up, and then it was time. They came out and started their set. I was so ready.
I'm not going to go into a lot of details about the concert because I'm pretty sure we all know how a concert works: I fangirl like crazy, the band sings songs, I sing along very loudly and take lots of pictures, and then they finish. That's pretty much how the concert went. I will mention one song specifically just because it was cool. In one of my earlier posts about JtG, I specifically mentioned the song "The Great Unknown" because it just like punched me in the feels a lot. Apparently, this is not a song that they guys sing at live shows very often. But, wait for it, THEY SANG IT AT THE OMAHA SHOW. I repeat, THEY SANG IT AT THE OMAHA SHOW. Of course, I video-taped the entire thing, sang along, and cried throughout the entire thing. I lucked out, that's for sure. The coolest thing about this concert is that I was seeing this band that had such a profound impact on me from the first time I listened to them, and I made direct eye contact with each member of the band at least 20 times during the set. It's hard for me to describe what seeing these guys live meant to me, but it was amazing, and I'm just going to leave it at that.
After the show was over, we made another run to the merch table, mainly to buy some stuff from Mainland (they were the opener, remember?) We got to talk to those guys and they were super chill. I'm really into their music and I hope to see them again sometime soon. But, I was mostly excited to meet the members of JtG. I got to have a mini, sort of "hey the show was awesome" conversation with each of them, get some of my merch signed, and get a picture taken with each member of the band. A perfect ending to my first indie-band concert experience.
Now, I'm going to be honest. The drive home sucked. We didn't leave Omaha until after midnight, and it's a 3 hour drive back to Storm Lake. I was on a student-teaching schedule, which meant that I was used to going to bed at about 9:00 pm, and I didn't even get into my house until 4 AM. I woke up the next morning extremely fatigued, sore beyond repair from the car ride, and I sounded like I smoked two packs a day. But, it was more than worth it. Because I got to see my second favorite band with my first favorite person (that's you Kam.) I can't wait until I get the opportunity to see them again, and hopefully it will be SOON!!
Top Left: Ben Thornewill (he plays piano and sings. He's also my future husband but he doesn't know that yet.)
Top Right: Jesse Kristin (drums)
Bottom Left: Tommy Siegel (much more attractive in person, I promise.)
Friday, February 5, 2016
Life Tips from Criminal Minds
I'm pretty sure there's an unwritten rule somewhere that when you are a college student, and you are on a long winter break, you have to binge watch as much Netflix as you possibly can. I know the vast majority of my friends watched a TON of Netflix over break, and I too spent most of my days laying in bed wrapped in blankets, absentmindedly clicking the "next episode" button every 44 minutes or so. This winter break, my binge show of choice was the sometimes creepy, slightly humorous crime drama Criminal Minds. I had seen several episodes of the show before I decided to watch the entire series up to this point on Netflix, and that's only because A and E used to show marathons of the show every Friday night, and I've got like 2 friends and no life so I spend a lot of Friday nights by myself in my bedroom. Whatevs. Another big drawing point for me to watch all of Criminal Minds is the fact that I've got a ridiculously ridiculous crush on Shemar Moore, who plays the super sexy Special Agent Derek Morgan. That guy is seriously yummy. Okay, that just got weird, moving on....
As I spent hours a day watching episode after episode of the show, I began to notice patterns of how the events unfolded in several of the episodes. Based on those patterns, I began to come up with a completely ridiculous list of life rules that people should abide by, all inspired by the things I saw on various episodes of Criminal Minds. Please keep in mind that this list is not to be taken seriously, and it entirely farce. If you've never seen the show, there's a good chance that none of these will make sense to you, and you will think I'm weirder than you probably already thought I was, and that I've got way too much time on my hands to come up with this. But for those of you who have seen and can appreciate the show, it should make you chuckle at least once. So here we go!
Life Tips from Criminal Minds
1. If he's an attractive male, there's a 75% chance that he's a psychopathic serial killer.
- For real though, there's a fair number of bad guys on this show that are pretty easy on the eyes, and thus you are beyond shocked that they are super crazy killer guys. So, be alert around any attractive guys you encounter, cause they could really just be psychopathic creeps. Or they could be really nice guys. It's hard telling.
2. Just don't EVER go into the woods.
- On this show, the woods are never good. Not every plot line involves the woods, but good things NEVER HAPPEN in the woods. So just avoid them at all costs. You'll be safer this way.
3. Avoid the Russian mob at all costs.
- These guys don't mess around. You do NOT want to get on their bad side, and two episodes jump to mind that will illustrate WHY you don't want to get on their bad side. So if you can just stay away from them, that'd be best. (And, chances are, many of you reading this reside in the lovely state where the tall corn grows, aka IOWA, so you should be alright.)
4. Ask yourself only one question: what would Aaron Hotchner do?
- This guy is a legit bada**. For real. The team looks up to him to give them instruction, make the hard calls, and have their back whenever they are coming up against some super crazy creepy creep. I'm not trying to compare him to Jesus or anything like that, but if you are ever in a situation and you are trying to expand your horizons by thinking about what someone other than Jesus would do, just think about the man, the myth, the legend: Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner.
5. You will never be as cool as Penelope Garcia, so don't even try.
- Aside from the beautiful Shemar Moore/Derek Morgan, Penelope Garcia is my *hands down* FAVE character on this show. She dresses amazingly, she has this crazy awesome sense of humor, and the chemistry between her and Derek Morgan fulfills the romantic, flirty crap that I need in my life since I don't get any of it in real life (but I'm not bitter... ANYWAY.) P.G. is also super crazy smart, which adds to her cool. No matter how cool you think you are, or how much you try to be cool, you'll never be on Garcia's level.
6. Always have a go bag packed, because wheels are up in 30.
- "Wheels up in 30." AKA Hotch is saying "get your stuff and get to our super fancy nice jet because we have a creep to catch." We could all benefit from having a bag-o-stuff ready to go a moment's notice, because life sometimes throws curveballs, and having a bag packed with some clothes, personal hygiene items, etc. would save time in a real crisis. It would also make spontaneous road trips more organized, which kind of takes away from the spontaneity now that I think about it, but I digress.
7. A lot of these crazy guys like brunettes, so dye your hair if necessary.
- This is just fact. Lots of the killers on the show like the brown-haired girls. If that creeps you out, consult your hair stylist and pick a new color.
8. We refer to them as the "unsub," not the killer.
- UNKNOWN SUBJECT. Don't call them a killer, and by all freaking MEANS, do NOT give them a nickname that is based upon the location of their kills or their method of killing. This makes the team mad, especially Rossi and JJ.
9. Never stay a roadside motel.
- I feel like this is kind of common sensical, because I've yet to see a roadside motel that doesn't look sketchy as heck. But maybe that's just me.
10. Never, ever, EVER make Derek Morgan mad.
- He will make you regret making him mad. Plenty of episodes can attest to this fact.
So there you have it. Some life tips gleaned from watching 10 seasons of Criminal Minds in about 7 weeks. You can choose to follow all, some, or none of these life tips, but whatever you decide, I hope you found this post as enjoyable as I did coming up with the idea.
Toodles :)
As I spent hours a day watching episode after episode of the show, I began to notice patterns of how the events unfolded in several of the episodes. Based on those patterns, I began to come up with a completely ridiculous list of life rules that people should abide by, all inspired by the things I saw on various episodes of Criminal Minds. Please keep in mind that this list is not to be taken seriously, and it entirely farce. If you've never seen the show, there's a good chance that none of these will make sense to you, and you will think I'm weirder than you probably already thought I was, and that I've got way too much time on my hands to come up with this. But for those of you who have seen and can appreciate the show, it should make you chuckle at least once. So here we go!
Life Tips from Criminal Minds
1. If he's an attractive male, there's a 75% chance that he's a psychopathic serial killer.
- For real though, there's a fair number of bad guys on this show that are pretty easy on the eyes, and thus you are beyond shocked that they are super crazy killer guys. So, be alert around any attractive guys you encounter, cause they could really just be psychopathic creeps. Or they could be really nice guys. It's hard telling.
2. Just don't EVER go into the woods.
- On this show, the woods are never good. Not every plot line involves the woods, but good things NEVER HAPPEN in the woods. So just avoid them at all costs. You'll be safer this way.
3. Avoid the Russian mob at all costs.
- These guys don't mess around. You do NOT want to get on their bad side, and two episodes jump to mind that will illustrate WHY you don't want to get on their bad side. So if you can just stay away from them, that'd be best. (And, chances are, many of you reading this reside in the lovely state where the tall corn grows, aka IOWA, so you should be alright.)
4. Ask yourself only one question: what would Aaron Hotchner do?
- This guy is a legit bada**. For real. The team looks up to him to give them instruction, make the hard calls, and have their back whenever they are coming up against some super crazy creepy creep. I'm not trying to compare him to Jesus or anything like that, but if you are ever in a situation and you are trying to expand your horizons by thinking about what someone other than Jesus would do, just think about the man, the myth, the legend: Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner.
5. You will never be as cool as Penelope Garcia, so don't even try.
- Aside from the beautiful Shemar Moore/Derek Morgan, Penelope Garcia is my *hands down* FAVE character on this show. She dresses amazingly, she has this crazy awesome sense of humor, and the chemistry between her and Derek Morgan fulfills the romantic, flirty crap that I need in my life since I don't get any of it in real life (but I'm not bitter... ANYWAY.) P.G. is also super crazy smart, which adds to her cool. No matter how cool you think you are, or how much you try to be cool, you'll never be on Garcia's level.
6. Always have a go bag packed, because wheels are up in 30.
- "Wheels up in 30." AKA Hotch is saying "get your stuff and get to our super fancy nice jet because we have a creep to catch." We could all benefit from having a bag-o-stuff ready to go a moment's notice, because life sometimes throws curveballs, and having a bag packed with some clothes, personal hygiene items, etc. would save time in a real crisis. It would also make spontaneous road trips more organized, which kind of takes away from the spontaneity now that I think about it, but I digress.
7. A lot of these crazy guys like brunettes, so dye your hair if necessary.
- This is just fact. Lots of the killers on the show like the brown-haired girls. If that creeps you out, consult your hair stylist and pick a new color.
8. We refer to them as the "unsub," not the killer.
- UNKNOWN SUBJECT. Don't call them a killer, and by all freaking MEANS, do NOT give them a nickname that is based upon the location of their kills or their method of killing. This makes the team mad, especially Rossi and JJ.
9. Never stay a roadside motel.
- I feel like this is kind of common sensical, because I've yet to see a roadside motel that doesn't look sketchy as heck. But maybe that's just me.
10. Never, ever, EVER make Derek Morgan mad.
- He will make you regret making him mad. Plenty of episodes can attest to this fact.
So there you have it. Some life tips gleaned from watching 10 seasons of Criminal Minds in about 7 weeks. You can choose to follow all, some, or none of these life tips, but whatever you decide, I hope you found this post as enjoyable as I did coming up with the idea.
Toodles :)
Monday, January 25, 2016
Jump into that water and see for yourself....
Being a teacher is what I've wanted to be "when I grow up" as far back as I remember, and tomorrow, I embark on my first day of my first student teaching placement. I've basically spent the last month bouncing back and forth between really excited, really nervous, really scared, and really not-sure-if-I-can-handle-this-whole-being-a-teacher-thing. I know a lot of the nerves is just me being me, and I've had plenty of people tell me that they would be more concerned about me if I wasn't nervous before taking this giant step that is *literally* the beginning of the staircase to my future. I don't feel like I'm under-prepared: I've had excellent professors at BV that have helped me expand the knowledge I already had, and given me new knowledge, and I don't feel like I have no business trying to pass some of that knowledge onto students: I've had more than one person tell me that they think I'm going to be a good teacher and that I've got great skills and knowledge to offer my students. The biggest problem is, once again, I am my own worst enemy. I can have every person that I lean on when I need support tell me that I'm awesome, and that I'm smart, and talented, and that I'm going to be just fine student teaching, but it's all no good if I don't believe it myself. A man that I respect a lot told me that everyday, I've got to remind myself that I can do this, and I don't have to face it alone.
I love a good metaphor every now and then, and a few weeks ago I was conversing with a close friend, and I came up with what I think is a really good one for the beginning of this next stage of my life. When I was 4 years old, I took swimming lessons at BV during the summer. Now, I hated going underwater, and refused to go underwater every time they asked us to. A lifeguard literally had to hold me while every other kid was going underwater because I refused to do it. Move it to a few weeks later ---- > we get to swimming lessons, and we find out that we are going to be thrown off the diving board into the 13 foot deep end of the pool. I had no choice in the matter, they were going to throw me off that diving board whether I liked it or not. Imagine my panic: I'm a little 4 year old who had never been under the water up to that point, and now they were going to throw me off the freaking diving board?!?!? Not cool, first of all, but nonetheless it happened. Naturally I made a huge deal of this whole thing because I'm Kelsey and I tend to make big deals out of things, but it's not like they were throwing me down there to die. There was another lifeguard waiting down in the water to help us swim to the side of the pool once we hit the water. So, I got to the end of that diving board, lifeguard #1 threw me to my doom (but not really,) and lifeguard #2 helped me paddle my way to the edge of the pool after I hit the water. Student teaching is A LOT like that situation. Tomorrow morning when I get to East Sac County High School in Lake View bright and early at 7 AM for jazz band, I am (metaphorically speaking) getting thrown off that diving board all over again. The difference is, I've got more than one lifeguard in the pool to help make sure that I don't drown. I've got my cooperating teacher, my advisor at BV all the teachers I've done previous field experiences with, my high school band director, my private lesson teacher, the music faculty at BV, my family, and my friends. That's a lot of bodies making sure that I keep my head above the water and make it to the edge of the pool safely at the end of this 8 week experience. There's another difference too. Little Kelsey was terrified of being under the water. 21 year old Kelsey has gotten over that fear, and doesn't mind going beneath the surface for a little bit to explore what's down there.
I've always been a person who likes to play it safe. Taking risks is not something that I do very often, and I don't like being in situations where I don't feel like I'm in control. That's part of the reason I hated going underwater as a kid- Lord knows what could happen down there (again, little Kelsey may have been overdramatic but just go with it.) One of the biggest things I've learned as I've grown up is that it's okay to want to be in control and play it safe, but it's impossible to control every single thing, and you shouldn't try to. It's okay to take a risk every now and then, and step outside the box that I've gotten very comfortable living inside. No matter how much I want to or try to, I cannot plan for every single obstacle or experience I'm going to have during my student teaching NOR can I control every single thing that's going to happen- it's impossible, because students are students, and every day is going to be different, and present new challenges to work around. The best thing that I can do is be confident in the knowledge and skills that I have, be flexible in my plans, remember all the people that are in the pool to make sure that I'm not going to drown, and go underneath that water and see what happens.
I want to be a teacher because I love my content- no matter what else was going on in my life, band, and my band director, were always there for me. I want to be for my students what my band director was for me: someone who I knew believed in me, and was always there for me when I needed him, and I want to pass on the INSANE love and passion I have for music. I've spent the last 3 and 1/2 years learning and experiencing things to prepare for this moment, and, as Jukebox the Ghost said, it's time to jump into that water and see for myself what the rest of my life is going to look like.
I love a good metaphor every now and then, and a few weeks ago I was conversing with a close friend, and I came up with what I think is a really good one for the beginning of this next stage of my life. When I was 4 years old, I took swimming lessons at BV during the summer. Now, I hated going underwater, and refused to go underwater every time they asked us to. A lifeguard literally had to hold me while every other kid was going underwater because I refused to do it. Move it to a few weeks later ---- > we get to swimming lessons, and we find out that we are going to be thrown off the diving board into the 13 foot deep end of the pool. I had no choice in the matter, they were going to throw me off that diving board whether I liked it or not. Imagine my panic: I'm a little 4 year old who had never been under the water up to that point, and now they were going to throw me off the freaking diving board?!?!? Not cool, first of all, but nonetheless it happened. Naturally I made a huge deal of this whole thing because I'm Kelsey and I tend to make big deals out of things, but it's not like they were throwing me down there to die. There was another lifeguard waiting down in the water to help us swim to the side of the pool once we hit the water. So, I got to the end of that diving board, lifeguard #1 threw me to my doom (but not really,) and lifeguard #2 helped me paddle my way to the edge of the pool after I hit the water. Student teaching is A LOT like that situation. Tomorrow morning when I get to East Sac County High School in Lake View bright and early at 7 AM for jazz band, I am (metaphorically speaking) getting thrown off that diving board all over again. The difference is, I've got more than one lifeguard in the pool to help make sure that I don't drown. I've got my cooperating teacher, my advisor at BV all the teachers I've done previous field experiences with, my high school band director, my private lesson teacher, the music faculty at BV, my family, and my friends. That's a lot of bodies making sure that I keep my head above the water and make it to the edge of the pool safely at the end of this 8 week experience. There's another difference too. Little Kelsey was terrified of being under the water. 21 year old Kelsey has gotten over that fear, and doesn't mind going beneath the surface for a little bit to explore what's down there.
I've always been a person who likes to play it safe. Taking risks is not something that I do very often, and I don't like being in situations where I don't feel like I'm in control. That's part of the reason I hated going underwater as a kid- Lord knows what could happen down there (again, little Kelsey may have been overdramatic but just go with it.) One of the biggest things I've learned as I've grown up is that it's okay to want to be in control and play it safe, but it's impossible to control every single thing, and you shouldn't try to. It's okay to take a risk every now and then, and step outside the box that I've gotten very comfortable living inside. No matter how much I want to or try to, I cannot plan for every single obstacle or experience I'm going to have during my student teaching NOR can I control every single thing that's going to happen- it's impossible, because students are students, and every day is going to be different, and present new challenges to work around. The best thing that I can do is be confident in the knowledge and skills that I have, be flexible in my plans, remember all the people that are in the pool to make sure that I'm not going to drown, and go underneath that water and see what happens.
I want to be a teacher because I love my content- no matter what else was going on in my life, band, and my band director, were always there for me. I want to be for my students what my band director was for me: someone who I knew believed in me, and was always there for me when I needed him, and I want to pass on the INSANE love and passion I have for music. I've spent the last 3 and 1/2 years learning and experiencing things to prepare for this moment, and, as Jukebox the Ghost said, it's time to jump into that water and see for myself what the rest of my life is going to look like.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)