Giving Thanks

I've got so many things to be thankful for. But one thing that I'm going to say I'm thankful for that may shock you is this: I am thankful for the copious amounts of stress in my life. You're probably saying to yourself "Kels, I think you're delirious from all that food you ate. Probs should wait to do this post when you are making a bit more sense." But I'm serious. I'm thankful for my stress, and let me tell you why.

* Being a first year teacher with a very full schedule and lots of cute little kiddos
- I've got a job, a job teaching something that I'm passionate about. And yes, my schedule is very full, and sometimes (more often than not) I get very overwhelmed, but I landed a good paying job in a good district right out of college. Definitely something to be thankful for. And the cute little faces I get to see everyday are definitely an added bonus.

* Not feeling like I have enough money to pay all my bills, eat, and have some fun on occasion
- I have a place to live. I have cable and internet, a smartphone. I just bought a brand new (literally, brand new) car a month ago. I always have food to eat. I might not get to buy as many "fun" things as I used to, but I still manage to go out every now and then and buy things that my dear mother would classify as "wants" instead of "needs."

* Missing some of my friends so much that it's like a piece of my heart is just MIA
- This one is hard. I used to see my best friends every single day, and now weeks go by without even having a conversation with them. I'm going to turn to the wisdom of One Tree Hill for this one:

As hard as it is to not see my friends or talk to them everyday like we used to (let's be honest, I can't stay up until 3 in the morning driving around anymore, because I'm on teacher time. Although, there have been some late mornings since I started teaching, but that's a story for another day,) it makes the times we do talk and see each other that much greater. Even if we are just making stupid jokes about our egos that nobody would find funny except us.


Anyone close to me will tell you that I don't handle stress well. And it's true. I don't. I stress eat, I don't sleep, I cry so much that my eyes are just now permanently puffy. But when you step back and look at the stress from a different angle, they really are stresses to be thankful for. I'll be much more thankful when some of them aren't as stressful, that's for sure, but being a recently graduated 22 year old, I can't complain too much about where my life is right now.

Easy come, easy go.

People come, and people go. A simple, true statement about everybody's life. Not everyone you meet is going to stay around forever. But sometimes if you are lucky enough, you get quite a few people who come into your life, and don't go. That's not always to say that their presence in your life won't have it's difficulties. There will arguments, there will be fights, there will be moments when you say the words "I wish I'd never met you," knowing full well that you don't mean that. There might be times when you don't talk for awhile- whether it's because you're having a disagreement, you had a stupid fight about stupid petty stuff, or you're both just really busy and although talking to them remains a priority, things like sleep and work and eating override that. Long-lasting friendships like this aren't easy, in fact they are EXTREMELY hard work. But it's the moments where you're drunk at a bar screaming about getting some "mother-effing chicken fries" and your best friend finally complies (after helping your drunk self down a couple flights of VERY steep stairs) that make all that hard work worth it. Moments when you miss your turn into town and end up taking the scenic route home, and pass the corner where we sat parked for 10 minutes because I was stubborn and wouldn't say which direction to turn. Memories that you'll never forget (and some memories that you can't really remember.) It's in those moments that the hard work of keeping up a long-lasting friendship is worth it. Sometimes, the effort of these relationships gets to you, and you just want to throw in the towel because it doesn't really seem like its's worth it. But you talk yourself out of it because you know you'd be 40 times more miserable without them in your life at all,  than you are with the arrangement that isn't perfect but doesn't completely suck. And we don't get to talk as much as we want, and we don't get to see each other as much as we want, but when I need them, they're always there for me. And I hope they know that the same goes for them.

One more thing.

Another thing they don't tell you about heartbreak: losing your best friend the first time sucks. But it's nothing compared to losing them the second time- after you've tried so hard and fought and fought and fought to stay best friends, because that's what you want so badly, but it doesn't work. That's when you spend a Sunday night watching Hallmark Channel sobbing as hard as you did the night he told you he just wanted to be friends, but this time you're crying because you're not friends anymore.

It's Yours

You've still got my heart. Take care of it please, because there is a giant hole in me where it used to be.

The heart-breaking thing about heartbreak

You know how everyone tells you that there is no pain in the world like that of your first broken heart? Believe them when they tell you that, because it is an extremely true statement. I've cried more in the last year since getting my heart broken than I have in my entire life, I've had more sleepless nights because of my broken heart than anything else, and I've generally been extremely pessimistic and hated life because of my broken heart more often than not. Loving someone and being willing to do anything for them, and to not have those feelings returned in the same way sucks beyond belief. But nobody every tells you about the worst part of a broken heart: losing your best friend in the process. Because that's what you were. Not only did I love you more than I ever loved anyone, but you were my best friend. Always there to talk to, to make me laugh, to make me smile, to tell me it was going to be okay when I felt like it would be anything of the opposite. Crush you to death hugs that made me feel better than nearly anything else in the world. And, now it's gone. I can deal with the fact that you broke my heart, I can deal with the fact that over a year later it still (obviously) really bothers me (barely, but dealing.) But I hate the fact that I lost my best friend in the process. And what makes me madder than a wet hen is the fact that all along it was all these sweet things about "you're still important to me," "I'm still going to be your best friend," "I'm still always going to be there for you." Apparently not so much.
I went into this whole thing knowing that my heart could potentially get very broken, and I was willing to take that risk. But nobody told me that I was going to lose one of the most important people in my life too. Believe me when I say I'd go back and change everything if I'd known this would happen.

Waiting for the beauty

Stop for a minute and think of the things in life that you find truly beautiful.

*think time*

Here's my list (I'll keep it short)

1. Bright green lawns after a rainstorm
2. Rainbows
3. Blooming flowers
4. Autumn leaves on the trees
5. Genuine, authentic smiles and laughs
6. Birds chirping

There, six is enough for now. Those are just some of the things in this world that I find truly beautiful. Now, for the real point of this blog. What is the one commonality between all six of the the items on my list? Drum roll please: there is a period of waiting before the beauty comes forth! Let me break this down and explain it a little bit better, in case you aren't picking up on what I'm saying right away.

1. When it hasn't rained for awhile, lawns are one of two colors; really dull green, or brown. Not lawns that I would consider attractive. But then, we get a little bit of rain, and they brighten right up.
2. Rainbows only appear after a storm. Common sense people.
3. When flower first get planted, you stare at a big brown spot of dirt for awhile. Then you get some tiny little green things that pop up, and finally you get the big, beautiful, colorful flowers that you were hoping for the whole time.
4. Fall is my favorite season, because I love seeing red, orange, and yellow leaves on the trees and falling down on the lawns and sidewalks and streets. But I have to spend a long time staring at either bare branches or green leaves before I get to see the pretty colors.
5. To really see someone's genuine, authentic smile and laughter, I feel like you have to have a close-ish relationship with that person. And that takes work. And waiting.
6. One of my favorite sounds of springtime is hearing the birds chirp. But that sound comes after a long quiet winter of no birds.

See what I mean? All those things that I consider to be so beautiful have some period of waiting, and in some cases a period of unattractiveness (I don't think that's an actual word but I'm going to use it anyway) before the parts that I consider to be so beautiful burst forth. But when the beauty does show up, the waiting period, the unattractive period isn't a huge deal AT ALL, because I'm finally getting to see and experience the part that truly matters to me.

I've had a rough couple of days. To be really honest about it, I've had a rough year, and I've been struggling a lot with the fact that I'm still struggling with the things that I'm going through (but that's a post, or several, for another day.) My point is: I'm more than ready to get to a point where I "find the beauty," for lack of anything better to say. But, like I just proved above, sometimes we have to wait awhile, and go through a period of serious unattractiveness before the beauty shows up. I've been waiting a long time, almost a year now. And there are more days that not during this struggle that I haven't liked who I've become, I don't like the things that I think and do because of how my heart is feeling, and I don't like what it's done to some of the relationships that mean so very much to me. But after I cry to let out the stress (did you know that crying burns 1.4 calories per minute?) and get some sleep, I always find myself taking a step back and thinking about how this whole experience is going to better me as an individual, a friend, a daughter, and a person in general. I know that things are going to get better, because sometimes you have to wait awhile before you see the things that are truly beautiful. And when that beauty does finally show up, the waiting period won't seem like nearly as big of a deal as it seems to be now.

The Storm Will Pass

I spent the past weekend in Waverly, IA with my friend Andreya for the annual Waverly Heritage Days Celebration. Two days of hanging out, listening to awesome cover bands, eating good food, and drinking way more alcohol than my mother would care for me to admit. Waverly is a good 3 hour jaunt from Storm Lake, so I got up and got ready to leave about 11:00 Sunday morning so I would be back home by mid-afternoon. I'm getting ready to leave, and Andreya comes to help me carry my stuff out to my car, and she goes "It's raining, by the way." I'm thinking like a gentle summer rain, whatever. No. Torrential downpour would be the better term to describe it. I got out of Waverly and the rain let up a little bit, but it was still a pretty strong shower. As I'm driving along, I get about 10 miles out of one town, and 4 miles away from the next town when the HEAVIEST rain shower I've seen in quite awhile. Rain so heavy that I couldn't see a foot in front of me driving, my windshield wipers needed to go about 30x faster to compensate for all the rain, that kind of rain. Couple that with the fact that it was a part of Highway 3 that has lots of curves. *cue Kelsey panicking severely* I'm leaning as far forward as I can to see, driving 10 miles per hour, saying Hail Mary's as quickly as I can, and channeling the bad-assery of my Grandpa Struck by telling myself that I can drive the damn box that the car came in. I also had that scene from 27 Dresses where Katherine Heigl is freaking out because she's hydroplaning LITERALLY 10 seconds after James Marsden tells her that she needs to slow down or she will hydroplane. So, that's all going on. I'm telling myself that if I can just get to that next town, I'll pull into a Casey's or McDonald's and wait for the rain to let up a bit before I continue driving home. So, I kept going, very slowly, praying fast. As I get closer to town, the rain starts letting up, and I look ahead and I see bright, clear skies. The worst part of my drive home was over, and it was smooth sailing for the remainder of the trip.

I often come up with blog ideas while I'm driving out of sheer boredom, but this one is a direct result of the circumstances I had to drive in. Sometimes, life is like that stretch of time 4 miles before Hampton. You can hardly see what's going on in front of you, you've got to move along a lot slower than you would like, you throw up a lot of prayers because you aren't sure what else to do, and you generally aren't sure if you are going to make it to the next goal or destination because it seems like everything is way too difficult to get through. But, you persevere. You keep going. You tell yourself that if you can just get to the next point, the next milestone, you'll find a spot and rest there awhile until the situation lets up a bit. There's nothing wrong with taking this path, and sometimes that's what you have to do, especially when situations are really big, really scary, and really difficult to get through. Sometimes, though, we don't need to stop and rest like we anticipated. Because all of a sudden, out of nowhere, the world gets brighter, the difficult part of whatever you are going through is behind you, and your journey becomes much more enjoyable, you can speed up your pace, and it doesn't seem nearly as scary anymore.

I made it through that scary storm. I didn't think I would, but with perseverance, a little faith, and good driving skills taught to me by my mother and my driver's ed teacher (shoutout to Mr. Torrey!) I got to that next town and saw the clear skies ahead. And whenever life decides to throw me a storm (whether it be an actual storm like yesterday or a figurative storm,) those same skills and that same wisdom I came up with on the nice part of the drive home is going to help me get through those storms. I'll get through them, and then I'll coast along with the enjoyable parts of the journey, whatever that journey may be.

Ciao.

So I finally watched Star Wars...

http://slapcountdown.tumblr.com/page/15 

Now, Marshall is not my FAVORITE character on HIMYM [How I Met Your Mother, for those who aren't cultured enough to know the acronym,] but taking 2nd place to Barney Stinson is not too shabby. Until yesterday, I was one of the people in the world who hadn't seen Star Wars, and no, it was not because I lived the Star Wars. I really don't have a good reason for not having watched the original film before now, I just hadn't watched it. So, over the holiday weekend, I visited the library (that's this place where you can go and borrow books, movies, CDs for free, in case you weren't sure) and checked out the first movie of the franchise:  Episode IV: A New Hope. And, because I'm super cool and hip, I watched it on a holiday afternoon with my mom and dad. 

So, here's the thing. I'm not a hater of Star Wars. I thought it was a decent movie, although I want to punch Han Solo in the face so bad. (On an unrelated note, Han Solo reminds me of my friend Kam, whom I've mentioned countless times on this blog. And I had a dream the other night where I was driving with Kam, and somehow a raccoon got into my car, and bit me. I was panicking because I got bit by a raccoon, so I crashed my car into a tree. Then, I was freaking out because I crashed my car into a tree, and Kam said something super sassy and I couldn't deal with it, so dream-Kelsey turned and punched him in the face. Then real-life Kelsey woke up crying, because I thought I had actually punched Kam in the face. I have to stop drinking pink Kinky before I go to bed. This tangent wasn't super off track, because I wanted to punch Han Solo in the face -> Han Solo reminds me of Kam -> I punched Kam in the face in my dream the other night. Anyway, back to the point.) Like I said, it was a cool movie. I enjoyed finally having some context for all the Star Wars tunes I've played a billion times in my band career, and knowing where they were at in terms of the film. I actually watched the movie a 2nd time because I've been sidelined with a mysterious hip injury and I'm not supposed to do a lot of moving for the next few days. And I'll probably watch the rest of the movies over the summer, and I'm assuming my reaction is going to be just like it was with the first one. However, I'm not going to like watch the movies so much that I can quote them, or start styling my hair like Princess Leia, or buy a cardboard cutout of Harrison Ford as Han Solo to put in the corner of my bedroom. 

So, my final verdict: Star Wars is decent. I can see why it's created the franchise it has, and why some people go apes**t crazy about them. But, I think I'm just going to be a chill fan of the Star Wars. 

To the Girl with her First Broken Heart

Let me start with this: I'm sorry. Dealing with a broken heart is unlike anything you've probably ever had to deal with before in your life- a whole new kind of pain, and I'm sorry you're having to go through that. Unfortunately, this probably won't be the last time you get your heart broken, but there's something about that first time that makes it sting worse than the others. I know what you're going through and how bad it sucks, so let me offer some advice.

Don't let anyone dictate how you handle this heartbreak. What I mean by that is this: every heartbreak is different, every person is different, every situation is different, and everyone handles all of that in a different way. Nobody has the right to tell you how to deal with it. Some people can get over it in weeks, or months. Some people, like me, have stretches where everything is fine, and then, out of nowhere, the pain comes back and you have a rough couple of days or weeks. Nobody is allowed to tell you that you've been grieving too long, or that you're being too dramatic about the whole thing, or that you just need to "move on." They'll handle their heartbreak in their way, you need to handle yours in the way that works for you. They might talk about you behind your back, about how you are handling this, and how they think you are handling it wrong. Let them. Screw them. You grieve for however long you need to grieve, sweetheart.

You don't have to go through this alone. You've got a mom who will sit on your bed with you at 3:00 in the morning while you sob for 3 hours. You've also got a mom who will buy you chocolate the next day, and jokingly threaten that "you better not have any rum in that glass" when you are drinking Diet Coke at 9:00 in the morning, just to try and get you to smile. You've got a friend who will sit with you and just let you cry on their shoulder. The same friend will be there anytime the feelings come back and you need to talk about them. This friend will also say anything to make you laugh or smile, just because they are sick of seeing you frowning and being sad. Of course, you'll have at least one friend who threatens to kick his ass the next time they see him, knowing full well that they wouldn't ever actually do it, but saying it because it's what you need to hear at the time. Use these people. It's a terrible idea to try and go through this alone, just trust me.

It's so easy to hate the guy who did this to you. You put your heart in his hands, and trusted that he wouldn't do anything to hurt it. And then he turned around and broke it, shattered it into a million pieces, or curbstomped it like a possum (inside joke.) Why wouldn't you hate him? I totally get it- about the third or fourth day, the tears and sadness get replaced with a ton of anger. It sounds crazy, but don't hate him. When you want to hate him, think about what made you fall in love with him in the first place. Whatever it is, it's still there, despite the heartbreak you've got right now. Try to think about it from his perspective: as awful as you feeling being the one with the broken heart, there's a good chance he feels just as awful about doing that to you. And even though he may never love you like you loved him, that doesn't mean he doesn't feel anything for you. "I might not be in love with you, but that doesn't mean I don't love you." A direct quote from the guy that broke my heart. It's possible to still be friends with that person, if that's what you want. Don't let anyone tell you that's what you need to do, though. If you are perfectly fine not having that person in your life at all, that's fine too. It might take time to rebuild that friendship, but if that's what you want, go for it. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't be friends with him again just because he broke your heart.

It's easy to hate him for doing this to you, but it's also a lot easier to hate yourself for "letting it happen." Read this next sentence carefully: THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Don't sit around and torture yourself by saying things like this: "I should have known this would happen." "I wish I had never met him." "We should have just stayed friends." You will drive yourself insane thinking like this. In Looking for Alaska, John Green says "We can't know better until knowing better is useless." Remember this quote. Taking chances, on people, on opportunities, on adventures is a part of life. You liked this guy, and you took a risk being with him. You knew what could happen, you just hoped and prayed in your heart  that it wouldn't. That's part of the whole deal. If you knew that you were just going to get your heart broken, you wouldn't have taken a risk and told the cute drummer that you had a hardcore crush on him. Where's the fun in that? Playing it safe has it's moments, that's for sure, but sometimes you have to take the risk. You're going to take that risk again and again. It's okay.

It doesn't seem like it now, but things will get better. Right now, it probably seems like you should have run out of tears to cry and you should take out stock in Kleenex and Pillsbury Frosting, judging by how much of each you've gone through during this whole ordeal. It seems like NOBODY will ever make you feel like he did, and you'll never want anybody else because they could hang the freaking moon, but they won't ever be him. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There will be a day, many days in fact, where you don't cry. There will be days when you don't eat an entire tub of frosting and use an entire box of Kleenexes during your late night tear-sessions. And believe it or not, there will be days when your heart doesn't feel like it's in a million pieces. Now, be forewarned that there are terrible days interspersed with the good days. And that may happen for quite awhile. But someday, someone is going to come along, and they're going to have the magic glue that puts your heart back together. And while a piece of your heart will always be etched with the name of your first love, the magic glue person will love you in the exact way that you loved your first.

Keep your chin up sunshine. There's always gotta be some rain before you see the rainbow.

To Whom It May Concern

Please know that I'm trying. Trying really hard, as a matter of fact, to work through my emotions, my demons, my struggles. Please know that it's not you, well not completely anyway. You didn't ask for this, I know that, but neither did I. I don't get like this for your attention, or your sympathy, or your pity. I could live without all of that. I don't know why these emotions and thoughts come and go like they do, but I guess that's part of having a first love. A whole new experience that, unfortunately, ended really badly and left me very damaged. But please know that I'm trying every single day to work through it and get better. And please know that when I say things like "we shouldn't be friends" or "you'd be better off without me in your life," it's simply me trying to prevent you from having to deal with my mess, because that's not your job. I hope that someday these emotional swings stop, and we can just be the best friends that I so desperately want us to be. But right now, it's still just really hard. Harder than most anything I've ever had to deal with. But I'm trying. Please don't forget that.

A Penny for your Thoughts

Do you ever find yourself sitting around, thinking about all the "what if's" that life presents to us? This has been my life lately. Lots of thinking about the "what if's," mostly pertaining to a certain person in my life. I don't know if it's just how my brain works or what, but I hate the fact that in most situations that don't work out, not just this one that has been at the forefront of my mind most recently, I'm never going to know what could have been. I feel like my discouragement at that fact is a commonly shared thing. Maybe it's meant to be that way, because knowing how something may have worked out makes it harder to deal with the fact that it didn't work out. Or maybe it's the world's way of letting us pretend that we still get the happily-ever-after we wanted (and trust me, I think about that aspect of the above-mentioned situation way more often than I'm proud of.) In this time of my life, so many things are changing so rapidly, and I find myself lost in my thoughts, particularly those "what if" thoughts. Sometimes it's great to envision my happily-ever-after, but most of the time I just get very depressed that I'm never going to get said happily-ever-after and I spend the night crying into my vodka lemonades (my latest drink of choice.) I try to keep myself busy and otherwise mentally occupied so my mind doesn't have as many chances to wander to that certain person mentioned above, but lately my efforts have been for naught. I saw a quote on Pinterest the other day that read "If you can't get someone off your mind, they are probably supposed to be there." But that doesn't help me figure out what to do when my brain is being suffocated by thoughts of said person, and the tear-inducing "what if's." Sigh. Any advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated.

Au Revoir.

Reverse Bucket-List

I've been wanting to write a post for a few days now, but inspiration has not been striking me. I usually have something going on in my life that I can write about, or I just get a really good idea about something interesting to write, but that hasn't been the case lately. SOOO, I turned to Pinterest. And I found a pin titled "30 Blog Post Ideas for When You Feel Uninspired." Perfect for me. One of the suggestions was to write about your "reverse bucket list:" not things you want to do in your life before you kick it, but things that you've already done. Lucky for me, I've got both a "Bucket List" and a "Finished Bucket List" Pinterest board, so I am going to pull some things off of the latter and use them as inspiration for this post- to share some of the awesome things that I've been privileged to do in my short 22 years of life!! Here we go.

1. Catch a Bride's Bouquet
- This is actually kind of a funny story. In my life, I have caught the bouquet at a wedding reception 3 times. The best part: I was 8 years old when I caught two of said-bouquets. Yes, eight years old. I don't know if I've addressed the enormity of my Struck family in a previous post, but basically, it's a huge family. My dad is one of 10 kids, and I am one of 32 grandchildren. I'm also the second youngest grandchild, so I've got LOTS of cousins that were getting married when I was young. The summer when I was 8, my cousin Hillary and my cousin Amanda both got married about 3 weeks apart. I was a little twerp running around in the cute dresses my mom made me, braids in my hair, and dancing like a maniac. And because I wanted to be just like all the older girls, I made my way to the dance floor when the bride was getting ready to throw the bouquet. When I caught the bouquet at Hillary's wedding, my family just thought it was "cute." But when I caught the bouquet again at Amanda's wedding about 3 weeks later, my aunts started telling my mom that she needed to start sewing me a wedding dress, because I was obviously going to get married sometime soon. (Seriously, aunts, I WAS EIGHT.) I was in high school when I caught the third bouquet, also at a cousin's wedding (unfortunately, that one ended in divorce. Maybe that's why I am still super single despite all these bouquets I've caught.)

2. Spend the Night at an Aquarium
- I was in Girl Scouts from kindergarten until I graduated from high school. Being in Girl Scouts was awesome, and I got to do lots of awesome stuff that I for sure wouldn't have gotten to do if I wasn't in Scouts. Going to summer camp, going on two road-trips around Iowa two summers in a row, selling a bazillion boxes of cookies, etc. When I was in second grade, my mom, another girl from my troop and her mom, and I made our way to Omaha, NE on a Friday night for an adventure at the Henry Doorly Zoo. And YES, we got to spend the night in the aquarium. We also got to go on a night-hike around the zoo and see all the animals at night, ride on the carousel, and see the newly-opened (at the time) Desert Dome exhibit. My only complaint about spending the night in the aquarium is that penguins are PARTY ANIMALS at night. Very LOUD party animals.

3. Have a Best Friend Who Will Never Let Me Down
- I consider myself VERY fortunate, because I've got more than one best friend who I know will always be there for me. Amy Jo (who I wrote a post about earlier) has been there for me since 1999, that's the last century dudes! She's always supported everything I want to do, and has been one of my biggest cheerleaders, and I know that that is going to continue as we go through life (we always joke that we are going to be the rebel-rousers at the nursing home someday.) I'm also super fortunate to have made two more best friends during my time at college: Kam and KT.
Kam is kind of like my Yoda- I turn to him when I need sincere advice, when I need someone to remind me that they believe in me and love me, or when I need someone to tell me to stop being dramatic. (He's really good at that part.) We also have a LOT in common when it comes to the music we listen to, so he's become my concert buddy- he's been with me at every single concert I've attended in my life. He's also super smart and talented, and has been helping me plan curriculum for my new teaching job (not going to lie, I get a little bitter when I sit and think about how to do something for days, and Kam can just come up with a really good idea off the top of his head. Maybe I should have him just come help me in my classrooms for a few days this summer.)
KT is a wonderful human being- there is so much that I went through this last year that I couldn't have gotten through if it weren't for her. She makes me laugh and smile when I just wanted to cry. She also spent a fair amount of time sitting with me in the Edson bathroom while I sobbed my eyes out, and just reminded me that things are going to be okay. It's also nice to know that I'm always going to hear a happy "Miss Kelsey!" exclamation whenever she sees me! I already miss her like crazy, but it will be a lot of fun hanging out when I get my own place next year!

4. Donate my Hair to Locks of Love
- I donated a 13 inch ponytail to Locks of Love the summer before I started 4th grade. I had had long hair for most of my life, so the removal of that 13 inch ponytail was a drastic change. Since then, my hair really hasn't grown long anymore- it gets to my shoulders and kind of just stays there.

5. Feel Like a Barbie Doll
- This happened my senior year of high school. My dad got really sick when I was a senior, and couldn't work. Money was really tight, our home was really stressful, and I was a wreck. I had planned on going to prom with my friends, but in a typical dramatic Kelsey fashion, I told my family that I wouldn't go because we couldn't afford to get a dress and a hair appointment and flowers and the dinner ticket and all of that stuff. A more appropriate title for this one should be "feel like Cinderella," because I got blessed with two fairy godmothers: Juli Kwikkel and Jodi Thiesen. Juli is my mom's boss, and when she found out that I wasn't going to prom because we didn't have the money, she wouldn't hear of it. I wore one of her daughter's dresses, and she bought my corsage to wear with my dress. Jodi was my guidance counselor, and was well informed of the situation happening at home. An alum of my high school had reached out, wanting to know if there were any girls who wanted to go to prom but couldn't afford to get their hair done. She ended up giving me a whole make-over because Jodi gave her my name and told her about the stuff happening at home. I got my hair high-lighted, and got a super make-over the day of prom. Those two ladies made sure that I would get a chance to experience prom with my friends, and getting made over like a Barbie doll was a pretty fun time.

There's still so many things I want to do and experience in my life, but it's nice to take a step back and talk about all the cool things that have already happened in my life. Be on the look-out for more posts of this nature in the future, and maybe some posts about some of the things I want to do.

As always, thank you for reading these posts. If you ever have any suggestions of things I can write about, or things you want me to write about, shoot them my way!

Ciao!

And so it begins.

The last week has been very momentous in my life. That's right, readers. You are feasting your eyes upon my first blog post as a college graduate. (Please, hold the applause. It really isn't that big of a deal.) Let's keep some order while I outline the craziness that this last week (and really, this last semester) has been in the life on me, myself, and I.

1. Student teaching has come and gone. What a crazy experience (and I mean crazy in a good sense.) I posted the night before my first day at my first placement about jumping into this unknown experience and seeing what it had to offer. I was so scared that I was going to fail, but I was also cognoscente (I just really like that word) of all the help and support that I had surrounding me while on this roller coaster called student teaching. I'm going to be straight-up with you guys here: my first few weeks of student teaching were really hard. I cried a lot, I felt terrible about my preparation as a teacher, and I wanted to quit. The worst part wasn't that I thought I was bad at teaching, it was that I was so afraid that the career I had wanted to do for the greater majority of my life wasn't going to work out. I remember a conversation with a friend where he casually asked me how student teaching was going, thinking he was going to get a casual "Oh, it's fine" answer. Instead he got LONNG snaps about how terrible I felt about it, how much I hated it, and how much I wanted to quit. That friend told me to remember how big of an adjustment I was making- going from student to teacher. And that friend also told me that he knew I could do it, and that quitting would be a huge mistake. The most important thing I remember from that conversation is him saying "it's going to get better." Well, he was right. It did get better. I slowly became more and more comfortable in the role of teacher, I got to know my students, and I really began having a ton of fun. It's crazy to think how close I grew with the other teachers and students at each of my placements in just 8 short weeks. I sobbed the entire way home last Thursday after my last day at Spencer Middle School because I was just going to miss those kids so much. If I can bond that much with students in 8 weeks, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be a crazy wreck when I have to say goodbye to my own students. Student teaching taught me a lot about myself- not just about myself as an educator, but myself as a person. I'm not going to share a lot of that because frankly you guys probably don't care and I would like to move onto the next point. If you're really invested and want to know *ALL* the things I learned about myself throughout my student teaching process, that's a conversation we can have (maybe, depending on who you are.)

2. I am happy to say that I am gainfully employed for the 2016-2017 school year! This didn't happen in the last week, but since I haven't put that bit of information out on this blog for all 6 of you guys to read, I'll put it on here now. I actually got a job in the district where I did my first student teaching placement, which I'm really excited about. I LOVED the other music teachers, and the administration impressed me from the start, which made taking the job really easy when it was offered to me. I will be a K-6 general music teacher. Yes, you read that right. Not a band director. General music teacher. I'm equal parts super excited and super terrified for this endeavor, mainly because I still feel like I have absolutely no freaking CLUE what I am doing. I've got lots of good ideas bouncing around in my head, and once I get them organized I think I'll feel a lot more confident about the whole thing, but right now I'm just overwhelmed and chaotic. But it will be alright.

3. Saturday, I walked across the stage in Siebens Fieldhouse, shook Fred Moore's hand, and officially graduated from Buena Vista University. Everyone's been congratulating me and stuff, but it doesn't feel real yet. I don't know what it is. I know I will start to feel real when I get my actual diploma, when my teaching license is issued, when I find out how much those monthly student loan payments are going to be, and definitely once the school year gets closer. But for now I just feel like I'm floating around aimlessly- no longer a student, but I don't feel like a teacher necessarily either. I don't know. I wasn't really that sad on graduation day until I saw my underclassmen friends at the Baccalaureate service, then I got sad. I don't want to leave them. I'm only going to be 30 minutes away, but still. That brings me to the next point.

4. Everything is about to change with my friends. I know it's going to happen, I don't think I can stop it, and it sucks. It already has changed. My friends have gone home for the summer, where they have their own lives, friends, etc, etc, etc. We won't see each other for months, we don't talk as much as we used to, and it's just got me feeling very lonely. Everything else in my life has gone all fruit basket upset on me, and those relationships are things I don't want to change. I know I'll make new friends in my colleagues and when I move to another town. But too much is changing all at once and it's just very overwhelming. I've yet to find a good way to deal with it (and if anybody out there has any ideas, let me know.)

That's about all the thoughts in my head for right now. Last week was long and full of happenings, so this week I'm hoping to chill out a bit and take it easy before my long summer of curriculum planning and French horn playing begins. Sigh.

Did everybody say what a good day that it was??

Guys, it finally happened. After months of anticipation, excitement, and waiting, I FINALLY got to see Jukebox the Ghost live in concert. February 20, 2016 is going to be a day that I'm not going to forget (mainly because I'm blogging about it and it will be on the internet forever, so if the day comes where I do forget, I can just read about it on the internet.) You are about to get a [mostly] full play by play of the events once we left Storm Lake and journeyed to the north part of Omaha for the concert. Get excited kids, because this blog is gonna be a good one.

So, as I've mentioned in previous posts, Kam was going to be attending this concert with me. This was great because I wouldn't even know JtG existed if it wasn't for him, and it's really hard in our busy schedules for find time to hang out with me student teaching and what not, so I was really looking forward to getting to spend some time with him along with seeing this amazing band that changed my life. Kam's friend Alejandra ended up getting a ticket to the concert and came along with us as well. The more the merrier, right? We left SL a little after 3:00 and began making our way towards the big city (in comparison to other cities, Omaha really isn't that big, but I'm from SL, so to me, it's a big city. Back to the story ---->) My bargain with Kam is that I would pay for his ticket to the concert if he drove, because this small-town girl does NOT do interstate driving or city driving (although I should probably get over that fear and get some practice doing both of those things.) The trip got off to an....adventurous start when Kam got pulled over for speeding by the Ida County sheriff. Luckily, that charming son of a gun managed to get away with a written warning. He was VERY careful to drive the speed limit the rest of the way there and home, however ;) ;) So we eventually made it to Omaha, got to "North Omaha" and found a place to park. As we were walking from the truck towards the venue, the Waiting Room Lounge, we could actually hear JtG doing their sound check. Soooo naturally we ran over there, looked through the window, and there they were. JtG, in all their glorious perfection, doing the sound check. It was at this point that I got VERY excited for what the night had in store for me. Food was the first priority before the concert, so we started roaming looking for some place to acquire nourishment. There was this pizza place that smelled seriously amazing, but we weren't willing to commit to the 30 minute wait, so that didn't happen. Another restaurant in our price range was also very busy, so we ended up eating at Subway. (I know what you are all thinking, you guys were in OMAHA and you ate at Subway. Yes, we did. Move on already.)

After the foods, we made our way back down to the venue for the LONG wait for the doors to open at 8:00 PM. It got very cold, and my biggest complaint was that I didn't make the wisest choice when it came to footwear and my feet were literally frozen. Kam assured me that it would all be worth it because we were at the front of the line and that meant we'd get AH-MAZING seats for the concert itself. As more and more people showed up, and the line grew longer and longer, I had to admit to myself that he was right (although, I'd never actually admit that to him. Lawlz.) The coolest part of the whole standing in line thing was that we ACTUALLY SAW JtG walking across the street from this super fancy and classy restaurant to get into the venue. It actually wasn't nearly as cool as I'm making it out to be right now, but #details. 8:00 finally arrived, the doors opened, and we were that much closer to the concert. I'm convinced one of the greatest parts of being 21, besides you know, legally being able to buy and consume alcohol, is the fact that when you go to any sort of event at a bar/club, you get a nifty little bracelet that screams "I'm 21 or over, huzzah!" whereas all the young ones, such as Kam and Alejandra, got GIANT, and I mean GIANT, black X's on each of their hands that scream "I'm young!" Being that we were like the fourth people in line, we bee-lined for the front, and we were literally standing right on the edge of the stage. We decided (and when I say we, I mostly mean Kam decided) that we would buy the majority of our merchandise before the show even started, because that would avoid the whole long-lines thing after the show, and then we would be well-prepared to get everything signed by the band when the concert was finito. So, we did that whole "here take all of my money and my first born child for all this concert merchandise" thing, and then it was just....a matter of time before the concert started. (See what I did there.. because JtG has a song called "A Matter of Time...." get it? get it?) Anyways...
FINALLY. 9;00 had arrived, and the opening band came out on stage. Allow me to share with you the first observations I was making in my head as the opener (there a band called Mainland btdubs) came onto the stage:
1. Holy toledo, that is one attractive bass player.
2. This lead guitar guy looks like he walked out of the 1950s.
3. But seriously, that bass player.
So, if you can't tell, the bass player was my favorite part of Mainland, and I took a bunch of pictures of him and pretty much just fangirl stared at him the whole time. To be completely honest, I wasn't expecting much from the opening band, because a) I didn't pay or travel 3 hours to see them and b) see reason A. But these guys were really good. Really good. They finished their set, I stole the set list off the stage after they left, and then it was.... ONLY A MATTER OF TIME before JtG would hit the stage. (That was a punny reference to a JtG song. Maybe I thought it was punny, you probably thought it was lame, but this is my blog so I do what I want.)
Finally, they came onto the stage. Jukebox the Ghost. They were getting all their equipment and cords and other rockstar things that you have to prepare ready before they started their set. Like the total fangirl I am, I had my camera at the ready, snapping pictures left and right of them getting ready to do the whole rockstar thing. Tommy Siegel (he's a guy in the band, duh) saw me with my camera snapping shots, AND ACTUALLY STOPPED WHAT HE WAS DOING TO POSE FOR MY PICTURE. Yes, that actually happened. It was magical. And, I was about 3 feet away from Ben Thornewill, the most attractive member of JtG. The girl standing behind-ish me was like "Hi Ben, how are you?" And, he must have thought it was me asking...BECAUSE HE LOOKED RIGHT INTO MY EYES AND WAS LIKE "HOW ARE YOU?" WE MADE SERIOUS EYE CONTACT IN THAT MOMENT, AND IT WAS MAGICAL. Okay, so they got all their stuff set up, and then it was time. They came out and started their set. I was so ready.
I'm not going to go into a lot of details about the concert because I'm pretty sure we all know how a concert works: I fangirl like crazy, the band sings songs, I sing along very loudly and take lots of pictures, and then they finish. That's pretty much how the concert went. I will mention one song specifically just because it was cool. In one of my earlier posts about JtG, I specifically mentioned the song "The Great Unknown" because it just like punched me in the feels a lot. Apparently, this is not a song that they guys sing at live shows very often. But, wait for it, THEY SANG IT AT THE OMAHA SHOW. I repeat, THEY SANG IT AT THE OMAHA SHOW. Of course, I video-taped the entire thing, sang along, and cried throughout the entire thing. I lucked out, that's for sure. The coolest thing about this concert is that I was seeing this band that had such a profound impact on me from the first time I listened to them, and I made direct eye contact with each member of the band at least 20 times during the set. It's hard for me to describe what seeing these guys live meant to me, but it was amazing, and I'm just going to leave it at that.
After the show was over, we made another run to the merch table, mainly to buy some stuff from Mainland (they were the opener, remember?) We got to talk to those guys and they were super chill. I'm really into their music and I hope to see them again sometime soon. But, I was mostly excited to meet the members of JtG. I got to have a mini, sort of "hey the show was awesome" conversation with each of them, get some of my merch signed, and get a picture taken with each member of the band. A perfect ending to my first indie-band concert experience.
Now, I'm going to be honest. The drive home sucked. We didn't leave Omaha until after midnight, and it's a 3 hour drive back to Storm Lake. I was on a student-teaching schedule, which meant that I was used to going to bed at about 9:00 pm, and I didn't even get into my house until 4 AM. I woke up the next morning extremely fatigued, sore beyond repair from the car ride, and I sounded like I smoked two packs a day. But, it was more than worth it. Because I got to see my second favorite band with my first favorite person (that's you Kam.) I can't wait until I get the opportunity to see them again, and hopefully it will be SOON!!

Top Left: Ben Thornewill (he plays piano and sings. He's also my future husband but he doesn't know that yet.)
Top Right: Jesse Kristin (drums)
Bottom Left: Tommy Siegel (much more attractive in person, I promise.)

Life Tips from Criminal Minds

I'm pretty sure there's an unwritten rule somewhere that when you are a college student, and you are on a long winter break, you have to binge watch as much Netflix as you possibly can. I know the vast majority of my friends watched a TON of Netflix over break, and I too spent most of my days laying in bed wrapped in blankets, absentmindedly clicking the "next episode" button every 44 minutes or so. This winter break, my binge show of choice was the sometimes creepy, slightly humorous crime drama Criminal Minds. I had seen several episodes of the show before I decided to watch the entire series up to this point on Netflix, and that's only because A and E used to show marathons of the show every Friday night, and I've got like 2 friends and no life so I spend a lot of Friday nights by myself in my bedroom. Whatevs. Another big drawing point for me to watch all of Criminal Minds is the fact that I've got a ridiculously ridiculous crush on Shemar Moore, who plays the super sexy Special Agent Derek Morgan. That guy is seriously yummy. Okay, that just got weird, moving on....
As I spent hours a day watching episode after episode of the show, I began to notice patterns of how the events unfolded in several of the episodes. Based on those patterns, I began to come up with a completely ridiculous list of life rules that people should abide by, all inspired by the things I saw on various episodes of Criminal Minds. Please keep in mind that this list is not to be taken seriously, and it entirely farce. If you've never seen the show, there's a good chance that none of these will make sense to you, and you will think I'm weirder than you probably already thought I was, and that I've got way too much time on my hands to come up with this. But for those of you who have seen and can appreciate the show, it should make you chuckle at least once. So here we go!

Life Tips from Criminal Minds
1. If he's an attractive male, there's a 75% chance that he's a psychopathic serial killer.
- For real though, there's a fair number of bad guys on this show that are pretty easy on the eyes, and thus you are beyond shocked that they are super crazy killer guys. So, be alert around any attractive guys you encounter, cause they could really just be psychopathic creeps. Or they could be really nice guys. It's hard telling.

2. Just don't EVER go into the woods.
- On this show, the woods are never good. Not every plot line involves the woods, but good things NEVER HAPPEN in the woods. So just avoid them at all costs. You'll be safer this way.

3. Avoid the Russian mob at all costs.
- These guys don't mess around. You do NOT want to get on their bad side, and two episodes jump to mind that will illustrate WHY you don't want to get on their bad side. So if you can just stay away from them, that'd be best. (And, chances are, many of you reading this reside in the lovely state where the tall corn grows, aka IOWA, so you should be alright.)

4. Ask yourself only one question: what would Aaron Hotchner do?
- This guy is a legit bada**. For real. The team looks up to him to give them instruction, make the hard calls, and have their back whenever they are coming up against some super crazy creepy creep. I'm not trying to compare him to Jesus or anything like that,  but if you are ever in a situation and you are trying to expand your horizons by thinking about what someone other than Jesus would do, just think about the man, the myth, the legend: Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner.

5. You will never be as cool as Penelope Garcia, so don't even try.
- Aside from the beautiful Shemar Moore/Derek Morgan, Penelope Garcia is my *hands down* FAVE character on this show. She dresses amazingly, she has this crazy awesome sense of humor, and the chemistry between her and Derek Morgan fulfills the romantic, flirty crap that I need in my life since I don't get any of it in real life (but I'm not bitter... ANYWAY.) P.G. is also super crazy smart, which adds to her cool. No matter how cool you think you are, or how much you try to be cool, you'll never be on Garcia's level.

6. Always have a go bag packed, because wheels are up in 30.
- "Wheels up in 30." AKA Hotch is saying "get your stuff and get to our super fancy nice jet because we have a creep to catch." We could all benefit from having a bag-o-stuff ready to go a moment's notice, because life sometimes throws curveballs, and having a bag packed with some clothes, personal hygiene items, etc. would save time in a real crisis. It would also make spontaneous road trips more organized, which kind of takes away from the spontaneity now that I think about it, but I digress.

7. A lot of these crazy guys like brunettes, so dye your hair if necessary.
- This is just fact. Lots of the killers on the show like the brown-haired girls. If that creeps you out, consult your hair stylist and pick a new color.

8. We refer to them as the "unsub," not the killer.
- UNKNOWN SUBJECT. Don't call them a killer, and by all freaking MEANS, do NOT give them a nickname that is based upon the location of their kills or their method of killing. This makes the team mad, especially Rossi and JJ.

9. Never stay a roadside motel.
- I feel like this is kind of common sensical, because I've yet to see a roadside motel that doesn't look sketchy as heck. But maybe that's just me.

10. Never, ever, EVER make Derek Morgan mad.
- He will make you regret making him mad. Plenty of episodes can attest to this fact.

So there you have it. Some life tips gleaned from watching 10 seasons of Criminal Minds in about 7 weeks. You can choose to follow all, some, or none of these life tips, but whatever you decide, I hope you found this post as enjoyable as I did coming up with the idea.

Toodles :)

Jump into that water and see for yourself....

Being a teacher is what I've wanted to be "when I grow up" as far back as I remember, and tomorrow, I embark on my first day of my first student teaching placement. I've basically spent the last month bouncing back and forth between really excited, really nervous, really scared, and really not-sure-if-I-can-handle-this-whole-being-a-teacher-thing. I know a lot of the nerves is just me being me, and I've had plenty of people tell me that they would be more concerned about me if I wasn't nervous before taking this giant step that is *literally* the beginning of the staircase to my future. I don't feel like I'm under-prepared: I've had excellent professors at BV that have helped me expand the knowledge I already had, and given me new knowledge, and I don't feel like I have no business trying to pass some of that knowledge onto students: I've had more than one person tell me that they think I'm going to be a good teacher and that I've got great skills and knowledge to offer my students. The biggest problem is, once again, I am my own worst enemy. I can have every person that I lean on when I need support tell me that I'm awesome, and that I'm smart, and talented, and that I'm going to be just fine student teaching, but it's all no good if I don't believe it myself. A man that I respect a lot told me that everyday, I've got to remind myself that I can do this, and I don't have to face it alone.
I love a good metaphor every now and then, and a few weeks ago I was conversing with a close friend, and I came up with what I think is a really good one for the beginning of this next stage of my life. When I was 4 years old, I took swimming lessons at BV during the summer. Now, I hated going underwater, and refused to go underwater every time they asked us to. A lifeguard literally had to hold me while every other kid was going underwater because I refused to do it. Move it to a few weeks later ---- > we get to swimming lessons, and we find out that we are going to be thrown off the diving board into the 13 foot deep end of the pool. I had no choice in the matter, they were going to throw me off that diving board whether I liked it or not. Imagine my panic: I'm a little 4 year old who had never been under the water up to that point, and now they were going to throw me off the freaking diving board?!?!? Not cool, first of all, but nonetheless it happened. Naturally I made a huge deal of this whole thing because I'm Kelsey and I tend to make big deals out of things, but it's not like they were throwing me down there to die. There was another lifeguard waiting down in the water to help us swim to the side of the pool once we hit the water. So, I got to the end of that diving board, lifeguard #1 threw me to my doom (but not really,) and lifeguard #2 helped me paddle my way to the edge of the pool after I hit the water. Student teaching is A LOT like that situation. Tomorrow morning when I get to East Sac County High School in Lake View bright and early at 7 AM for jazz band, I am (metaphorically speaking) getting thrown off that diving board all over again. The difference is, I've got more than one lifeguard in the pool to help make sure that I don't drown. I've got my cooperating teacher, my advisor at BV all the teachers I've done previous field experiences with, my high school band director, my private lesson teacher, the music faculty at BV, my family, and my friends. That's a lot of bodies making sure that I keep my head above the water and make it to the edge of the pool safely at the end of this 8 week experience. There's another difference too. Little Kelsey was terrified of being under the water. 21 year old Kelsey has gotten over that fear, and doesn't mind going beneath the surface for a little bit to explore what's down there.
I've always been a person who likes to play it safe. Taking risks is not something that I do very often, and I don't like being in situations where I don't feel like I'm in control. That's part of the reason I hated going underwater as a kid- Lord knows what could happen down there (again, little Kelsey may have been overdramatic but just go with it.) One of the biggest things I've learned as I've grown up is that it's okay to want to be in control and play it safe, but it's impossible to control every single thing, and you shouldn't try to. It's okay to take a risk every now and then, and step outside the box that I've gotten very comfortable living inside. No matter how much I want to or try to, I cannot plan for every single obstacle or experience I'm going to have during my student teaching NOR can I control every single thing that's going to happen- it's impossible, because students are students, and every day is going to be different, and present new challenges to work around. The best thing that I can do is be confident in the knowledge and skills that I have, be flexible in my plans, remember all the people that are in the pool to make sure that I'm not going to drown, and go underneath that water and see what happens.
I want to be a teacher because I love my content- no matter what else was going on in my life, band, and my band director, were always there for me. I want to be for my students what my band director was for me: someone who I knew believed in me, and was always there for me when I needed him, and I want to pass on the INSANE love and passion I have for music. I've spent the last 3 and 1/2 years learning and experiencing things to prepare for this moment, and, as Jukebox the Ghost said, it's time to jump into that water and see for myself what the rest of my life is going to look like.

Let me tell ya about (one of) my BEST FRIENDSSS

Blog readers, meet Amy Jo:

This girl and I have been best friends for almost 17 YEARS. Crazy! We met on our first day of kindergarten on the South School playground in 1999. Me being the outspoken, mostly friendly child, walked right up to her, introduced myself, and asked if she wanted to be friends. She said yes, and thus our friendship was born. People don't always believe me when I say that's how we became best friends, but that's literally how it happened. Now, when we were younger, Ames and I couldn't have been more opposite. She was a huge tomboy, who hated wearing dresses, playing with Barbies, or playing house. I was a major girlie-girl who had a Barbie village in her basement and wore dresses as often as I could. It always struck me as odd that her and I could be such good friends despite the fact that we had NOTHING in common for a long time. As we've aged, she has become a bit more "girly" for lack of a better term, and we've discovered mutual love for some things that fuel the majority of our conversations (mainly Harry Potter.) We were in the same class from kindergarten to 4th grade, and even though we had different teachers in 4th grade, we still got to see each other at recess and eat lunch together. We made a huge deal of the fact that we were not together every single minute of the day, but we were just being overdramatic, as per usual. The transition to middle school was terrifying, because we knew we wouldn't be in every single class together, and we might only get to see each other once or twice a day. High school was a bit better, since we knew we would at least have two classes together (band and choir.) Having to say goodbye to Amy as she left Storm Lake for college while I was staying home and going to BV was really freaking hard. I was going from seeing my best friend every day since KINDERGARTEN, to maybe getting to talk a few times a week. There were lots of times that I missed having my best friend close, especially when I needed her advice, or needed her to make me laugh and get my mind off of something. As hard as it was and has been, I know it's definitely taught me to cherish the time that we do get to hang out together and be hooligans, and I would be willing to bet Ames will say the exact same thing.
In 17 years of friendship, I can only remember one BIG fight where Amy and I claimed we were "never going to be friends again." It lasted about a week. We were in middle school, it was all over something really stupid, it was really overdramatic, it happened. I'm glad it only took us a week to realize that we were both acting like idiots, and that throwing away our friendship over some stupid seventh-grade squabble would inevitably be a HUGE mistake. Even though we don't get to see each other as often as we would like, or get to talk as often as we like, I know that Amy will always be there for me, and she knows that I'm always going to be there for her. I'm really glad that kindergarten Kelsey walked up to her on the playground that first day of school, because 21 year old Kelsey has no idea what she would do without her. I can't wait to see where life takes both of us, and the crazy adventures that we are going to get into next!

20 Facts about...moi!!!

Hello my lovely readers. Boy, are you in for a treat today, because this post is going to be nothing but facts about ME! Some of you may already know some of these, or most of these, and some of you may learn a thing or two about the magical mystery tour that is Kelsey Monica Struck. To start things off, here's a collage of Kelsey selfies that I made just because.

1. I have an extreme love/hate relationship with my hair. I've got this insanely naturally wavy, super thick hair. I used to have really long hair when I was a kid, but after I cut off 10 inches between 3rd and 4th grade, it hasn't ever really grown past my shoulders since then. When it's long, it takes me roughly an hour to straighten it decently, and it really depends on the day whether or not it's going to look good or not. I was trying to grow it longer, but last fall I just got sick of it and had my stylist Sherrie cut 7 inches off on a Friday morning. It now only takes about 20 minutes to straighten decently. My only complaint about my short hair now is that I can't get it all in a ponytail when I'm lazy, and when I do pin-curls to get it wavy (like in the second picture of the top row,) the back of my hair looks like a really bad afro. 

2. I am almost 22 years old, and I have NEVER driven on an interstate. We don't go very many places that require the use of the interstate, because we are poor and my mom hates travelling, and I don't go places by myself, like ever, because who wants to go on a road trip by THEMSELVES? Not me, that's for sure. I've made it a priority this semester to drive on an interstate at least once, so we'll see who the lucky people that get to witness me freaking out over absolutely nothing while driving on said interstate.

3. I have never seen the original Star Wars movies. If some of you need to stop reading at this point because you are so sickened by me now, go ahead. I understand. It's not that I'm opposed to watching them, I've just never taken it upon myself to watch them, and none of my friends have ever been like "hey let's watch Star Wars." So again, if anyone out there wants to be with me when I experience "the Force" for the first time, let me know alright? 

4. I've had two surgeries in my life: I had my tonsils and adenoids removed when I was 10 years old, and I got my wisdom teeth removed my freshman year of college. On Election day, if you cared. And my tonsils got taken out on New Year's Even, if you care about that too. 

5. I've never had a boyfriend. There, I said it, and it's on the internet for ever. I'm only like 50% bitter/ashamed about it. I've had one relationship that didn't end up manifesting into a boyfriend/girlfriend thing (see "So, I just got friend-zoned" if you want to read more about that.) That being said, that one relationship did give me my first date ever, and it was a really good one, so any potential suitors out there have their work cut out for them. 

6. I am borderline obsessed with tacos. I could eat a taco every single day and be completely fine with it. Tacos are bae, tacos are life. 

7. I can pretty much quote the entire movie "Mean Girls." Back when movie rental places other than Redbox were a thing, we would always rent movies on Friday nights, and there was a good 3 month period where I rented Mean Girls every single time, and would watch it three times a weekend. My family pretty much refuses to watch it with me because I just sit and say every single line along with the movie.

8. I've been accused of having a large ego and being "over-confident" in my abilities, both in regards to music and academics, but it's all a front. I actually have very low self-esteem in my academics, music, how I look, my friendships, all of that. I don't want people to perceive me as being weak or sense that I have low-self esteem about pretty much every aspect of my life, so I overcompensate with the so-called "big ego." There are very few people in this world (before I put this on the internet, of course) that knew how low my self'-esteem really was. But now you all know it. Huzzah.

9. The only jewelry I really wear are earrings and a watch. I have lots of bracelets and necklaces, but when I wear them, I usually take them off because they bug me. I also can't stand wearing rings, mainly because I have super awkward fingers and even after I get them re-sized, they never fit and fall off my fingers. That might change once it's a nice diamond on my left finger (you know, provided I find someone that finds me appealing and I'm not forever alone with books and cats.) 

10. It doesn't matter if it's 50 degrees below zero outside, if I have the option of eating ice cream, I'm going to eat the ice cream. Blue Bunny ice cream. Preferably Peanut Butter Panic, Super Chunky Cookie Dough, Birthday Cake, or Super Fudge Brownie. In fact, I'm going to go get a bowl of ice cream right now.

11. I love to read, and I always have. I used to go to the public library at least 3 times a week every summer, and I would read an average of 150-200 books just during the summertime. I used to say that I didn't need friends as long as my mom kept buying me books and the public library never closed. I don't have nearly as much time to read now that I'm an adult with actual responsibilities, but I still have a vast collection of books that is ever growing, and I read whenever I get the chance.

12. My biggest fears in life are failing at my chosen career, being a disappointment to my parents, my mentors, and anyone whose ever believed in me and my goal of being a band director, and never finding love. 

13. I constantly worry that I'm a burden to my friends, or that they find me super annoying and only talk to me in the hopes that I'll go away. Particularly one friend who I love to talk to more than almost anything. Sigh.

14. Sometimes I like to dance around my bedroom to Britney Spears, NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, and NKOTB. I also sing into my hairbrush while I'm dancing around my bedroom. And I'm not ashamed of it at all.

15. I got a sewing machine for Christmas when I was in 3rd or 4th grade and I still don't know how to use it. I should have my mom teach me before I move out and become a real adult. 

16. I worked as a waitress the summer after I graduated high school, and it was the hardest job I've ever had in my life. Because of that experience, I always try to leave decent tips, provided the waiter/waitress we had was not sucky. 

17. I can crack my toes basically whenever I feel like it, and it apparently grosses people out really bad (therefore, I do it more often because I'm obnoxious.)

18. My worst habit is most definitely biting my nails. I've done it all my life, and even when I try super hard not to bite them, I can go maybe like 4 days before I give in. It's worse when I'm stressed out or nervous about something. If I paint my fingernails, I don't bite them, but I'm too lazy to paint them so that strategy never really works.

19. I would love to have a weekend where some of my friends and I just get in the car, and go somewhere completely random, jamming to awesome music in the car, having good conversation, and just being young. Hint hint to any friends that read this blog that think that would be cool.

AND FINALLY, the last fact.

20. The hardest question you could ever ask me is "What is your favorite band?" When this question is asked of me, I have to give you like a list of 6 bands because I can't make up my mind. Here's that list, the order doesn't necessarily matter after the first two because they all their amazing points that make me consider them one of my favorite bands: 

- The Beatles

- Jukebox the Ghost

- Sweet

- LHC (Liberty Hall Collective aka Kam's band)

- KISS

- The Eagles

So there you have it. 20 facts that barely scratch the surface of everything that is ME. Maybe you learned something new about me, maybe you are reading these closing remarks thinking "Kels, I already knew that stuff. Be original for God's sake," or maybe you don't actually care at all about the facts that make up my life (which is probably a lie because if you are reading this far into the post, you care at least a little bit, even if you don't want to admit it.) I'm pretty impressed with myself that I was able to come up with 20 facts in about an hour, because I thought this post was going to take through all of Jimmy Fallon, and HE HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET. Huzzah!!!!!