It's been nearly a year since I blogged, and I mean I could blame it on the whole "busy college schedule thing" but really I just haven't been struck with the inspiration to blog. But as you can see by the title of this post, something pretty big happened in my life recently and I'm here to blog about it. But first, the background story (aka before the friend-zoning.. not sure if that's a verb or not but I just made it one.....)
So, back in February, I developed a middle-school girl crush on a guy who is in a similar major to mine. For the sake of anonymity, we are going to call this guy "Guy." (PSA- if anyone reading this blog actually knows the whole story and the name of Guy, PLAY ALONG.) Guy was smart, funny, made me laugh, and was pretty easy on the eyes. It took me quite a long time to get the courage to actually tell Guy that I liked him, although I was being pretty damn obvious about my feelings the entire time, and turns out he knew way before I told him that I was into him (cue Kelsey looking like an idiot.) I told him, and I got the message I was honestly expecting to get: "you're a great friend, and I think we should just stay friends." Sigh. Since I expected it, I wasn't too crushed about it, and we continued being friends and hanging out and doing stuff together. We had been planning on going to this Beatles tribute concert as friends (we are both huge fans of The Fab Four,) and the night before the concert, Guy asked if it was okay with me if we considered the shin-dig a date. Me, being super poise and cool, was like "yeah, sure, whatever," then immediately asked if it was still okay for me to wear jeans. So, I guess that is what you could call the beginning of our "dating." I put dating in quotes because it wasn't dating as most people think about it this day in age. If I had to put a label on it, it was definitely "emotional dating" purely because there was no physical things that go along with dating (and I'm talking innocent stuff here people, get yo minds out of the gutter!) We talked a lot, and he probably knows me better than anybody now. Guy is easy to talk to, and I didn't have any problems sharing anything with him in all honesty. Then the worst thing that can happen to a "dating" couple in college happened: Guy went back home for the summer. We talked most everyday throughout the summer, and saw each other a few times. I couldn't wait for him to get back for the new school year so we could go back to seeing each other every day.
So that's pretty much the background. Guy was the one person in the world I felt like I could talk to about anything, and he was supportive ,and gave me great advice, and always made me smile when I was feeling sad.
I'm not going to go into great detail about the whole friend-zone thing, because I'm pretty sure that we all know how that works. Naturally, I did not react well to the news. I came home, threw myself onto my bed, and sobbed my heart out for 4 hours. I felt like the world was going to end, that my life no longer had meaning, and that I was just this undesirable human being that was always going to be alone.
This happened 2 weeks ago. Looking back, I want to go back in time and slap myself across the face. Being friend-zoned sucks, don't get me wrong, but throughout this entire "dating" process, I was basing my ENTIRE happiness on Guy. If we didn't talk, if he didn't respond to a message, if I tried to be flirty and he didn't play back, I was crushed. Like, nobody should ever base their entire happiness on ONE FREAKING GUY/GIRL, even if they are the greatest thing since sliced-bread. I made the age-old mistake of falling WAY TOO HARD for the first person to show romantic interest in me. Rookie move, Kelsey Monica, rookie move. Guy and I had this great connection that was full of potential, but at the end of the day, he's a tomato and I'm a peanut butter sandwich, and no matter how awesome those two are separately, they're never going to be good together. But that doesn't mean the tomato and the peanut butter sandwich can't be friends. And honestly, looking back on the situation from an outsider perspective, that's really all we've been this entire time. I might have tricked myself into thinking that it was much more because I was so into him and wanted it to work out, but I think I might have known that it wasn't going to manifest into anything romantic, I just didn't want to admit it.
So we're trying this whole friends thing again. I did my whole grieving process, which involved many tears, lots of alcohol, and two tubes of Pillsbury Cookie Dough, and it's time for us to get back to the place where it's not going to be hella awkward for the both of us. But I think it'll be alright, because we've just been really close friends this entire time. Of course, I'm going to have to stop my shameless flirting with him, and mentally chastise myself when I find myself gazing at him when I should be paying attention to other things. I hope we can get to the point where we can talk like we used to, and that Guy will once again be the person that I can talk to about anything, and I can only hope that he finds me as supportive, caring, and helpful. He's one of my closest friends, and he's important to me, and I'm going to stop being so freaking dramatic and figure out a way to keep him in my life for the long haul.
So in conclusion, being friend-zoned still sucks. But after I did my dramatic girl reaction, I realized that I'm going to be okay, and someday I'll find the perfect jelly to accompany my peanut butter sandwich.
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