30 songs in.... however long it takes me to write this post

One of the many blog post ideas I found on Pinterest is something called "30 songs in 30 days." It's intention is for users to follow the prompts and post the videos on Facebook or whatever. But since I've got this blog and I can never think of things to blog about, I'm going to do my version of this challenge on here. I've linked to YouTube videos of all the songs I've mentioned in case there's one you've never heard before, or you just want to listen to them, or whatever. Also it makes me feel like a more official blogger, but details. So, without further ado, I present to you, the 30 songs challenge thing!

1. A song from your childhood- She Thinks my Tractor's Sexy by Kenny Chesney
- I used to sing this song a lot when I was a kid. Sorry Mom.

2. A song that reminds you of one/both of your parents- Little Willy by Sweet
- My dad used to sing this song ALL THE TIME when I was a kid, and it helped me develop a liking for this band (who doesn't need a little British Glitter Rock in their lives every now and then???)

3. A song that calms you down- Man in the Moon by Jukebox the Ghost
- I can't even describe the calming effect of this song, both the recording and when someone is playing it on the piano and singing it to you.

4. A song that reminds you of a best friend- Aaron's Party by Aaron Carter AND Oh Darling by The Beatles
- Aaron Carter first: Amy Jo and I have been friends for 16 years now, and we were obsessed with Aaron Carter when we first became friends as little kids. We used to sing his songs at recess, and even handed out Aaron Carter valentines in first grade (because we were super cool, obviously.)

- The Beatles: Kam is also someone I consider to be one of my best friends, and as I've mentioned before we both love the Beatles. There is a group of guys in Cherokee who do Beatles cover concerts every now and then, and Kam and I have been to two of them. There's this guy named Brooks who always sings this song, and I just stand there and fangirl so hard because damn, he's good (both with the whole singing thing and just good looking in general.) *swoon* AND THIS IS ACTUALLY A VIDEO OF BROOKS SINGING FROM ONE OF THE SHOWS KAM AND I WENT TO!!!!

5. A song that reminds you of last summer- Uma Thurman by Fall Out Boy
- This song was HUGE in the summer of 2015, and after I heard it for the first time, I loved it immediately. It was super catchy and just got stuck in your head. I worked in the financial aid office at my college during the summer, and all I listened to from the hours of 9:00-5:00 was the local radio station, and one day, this song was played 4 times on the same station in that time period. I also took a road trip with my bestie Amy Jo to see Kamron's band play in Des Moines, and we listened to this song probably 15 times.

6. Favorite musician or band that you have met- Abracadabra by The Steve Miller Band
- So I haven't actually MET the Steve Miller Band, but I did see them in concert last May, and it was pretty fantastic. This is my favorite song by them, closely followed by Fly like an Eagle.

7. A song you like with a color in the title- Crimson and Clover by Tommy James and the Shondells
- I've always liked older music, and I have no idea what this song is supposed to be about or what it means, but it's great none the less.

8. A song by your favorite band- Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles
- I have lots of favorite bands, but my number band by far is The Beatles. They are just fantastic. There are so many of their songs that I love, so I'm just going to randomly select one of those now.

9. A song on the soundtrack of your favorite movie- Tara's Theme~ Gone with the Wind
- I don't know if a soundtrack was ever released for Gone with the Wind, but this is the main theme of the entire movie, named after the O'Hara plantation.

10. The last song you heard- We're Painting the Roses Red ~ Alice in Wonderland
- I'm watching this movie as I write this post, and this was the last one they sang :)

11. A song that is often stuck in your head- Do Your Hear The People Sing~ Les Miserables
- I played in a pit orchestra for Les Mis a few summer ago, and the entire show has pretty much been in my head ever since then, and the earworms still come back and every now and then. This is usually the one that revisits my head most often.

12. A song you love singing along to- Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler
- This song. This freaking song. No matter where I am at when I hear this song, I belt my little heart out when it comes on. And, I have been known to stare longingly out the car window and act like I'm in a music video while singing along.

13. A song that has made you cry- How Great Thou Art
- My cousin Tyler sang this song at my Grandma's funeral, and there was not a dry eye in the church. He has an awesome voice and managed to hold it together without breaking down in the song, which is something I could not have done at all. Carrie Underwood does a good job too ;)

14. A song that makes you want to dance- The Twist by Chubby Checker
- I mean, the whole point of the song was to get you to dance, and it fulfills its purpose.

15. A song you love but rarely listen to- I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston
- This song is awesome, and is another great one for when you just want to belt out a song really loud but I don't own it, therefore I hardly ever listen to it.

16. The first song alphabetically on your iPod- A Movie Script Ending by Death Cab for Cutie
- Another band that Kam introduced me to. I haven't listened to all their stuff he gave me, but everything that I have listened to (mind you, that's maybe like 5 songs tops) doesn't suck so I'm optimistic that I'll enjoy the rest of it when I get around to it.

17. The last song alphabetically on your iPod- 1997 by Saint Motel
- And, AGAIN, another band I would know nothing about if it weren't for Kam. These guys are awesome. This song is good. Enjoy.

18. A song that you could listen to all day without getting tired of it- The Great Unknown by Jukebox the Ghost
- See the post entitled "The band that changed my life" for explanation

19. Your favorite song- Let It Be by the Beatles
- Although I have LOTS of favorite songs because I have LOTS of favorite bands, this is one of the top ones. Plus I love me some Paul McCartney.

20. Favorite St. Patrick's Day/Irish song- My Wild Irish Rose and When Irish Eyes are Smiling
- My Grandma Struck came from a HUGE Irish Catholic family, and when we would go to my dad's family reunions as a kid, these songs always got sang. When my grandma passed away in August, my aunt and great-uncle led us in these songs at the cemetery right before we all left. These always make me think of my family and the great times we had singing these songs when I was younger.

21. A song that needs to be played LOUD- Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen
- Do I really even need to explain this one??? It's gotta be LOUD so you can still hear Queen singing above me belting out every part, including the instrumental riffs.

22. Favorite Christmas song- Do You Hear What I Hear by Idina Menzel
- It's so hard to find Christmas albums with this song on them, and it's one of my favorites. Idina does an awesome job in my humble opinion.

23. When you think of classical music, what is the first piece that comes to mind- Eine kleine Nachtmusik by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
- Mozart is my favorite composer by far, and he's actually a classical composer so this song is actually classical music. Huzzah!

24. What is your favorite version of Pachelbel's Canon?- Pachelbel Rant by Rob Paravonian 
- My friend Andreya showed me this video of a comedian ranting about how a bunch of songs have the same chord progressions as Pachelbel's Canon in D, and it's hilarious!

25. First song or album that you bought- I Want You Back by NSYNC (NSYNC)
- I didn't buy this CD myself, it was a gift from my aunt, but it was the first CD that was actually MINE. And here's a song off that album for your enjoyment.

26. Band/artist you would like to meet, but never have- Jukebox the Ghost
- BUT HOPEFULLY I GET TO MEET THEM IN FEBRUARY. Again, see the post entitled "The band that changed my life" for more information. Here's another good song I haven't mentioned before by them:

27. Favorite Album- Rumours by Fleetwood Mac
- It's just a good album with awesome songs. Here's one of my faves

28. A song you listen to to cheer you up- Hey Jude by the Beatles
- How can you be in a bad mood after listening to this song, and by listening I mean singing every single word and going crazy with the "na na na's" at the end???

29. A song you would want played at your wedding- God Must Have Spent A Little More Time on You by NSYNC
- I've loved NSYNC for my entire life, and as long as I can remember I've proclaimed that this will be the song my future husband and I dance our first dance to at our wedding. So hopefully the guy I marry can tolerate NSYNC or we might have an issue...

30. A song that you know every single word to- Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks
- Garth is the man, and this song is one of my favorites by him.

So, there you have it. Another look into some of the songs that define my life. This post was long, so if you made it this far, good job and thanks for reading!!!
:)

Not-So-Guilty Pleasures

I've never really understood the phrase "guilty pleasure." Let's break it down: guilty means "I feel bad about this," whereas pleasure means "This is something that makes me happy," so logically a guilty pleasure is something that you makes you happy, but you feel bad that it makes you happy. Perhaps the reason I don't understand this phrase is because I don't feel bad about liking what I like, nor do I feel bad about doing things that make me feel happy. The only time I feel bad about doing something that makes me happy is if me doing so creates a problem for someone else, but that is a very rare occurrence (both because my life is INSANELY boring, and I don't socialize with many people for a variety of reasons.) So, I don't really feel like I have any guilty pleasures because I don't feel bad about liking what I like. That being said, there are certain things that I tend to like or indulge in on a less-frequent basis than other things, but when I do indulge in these things it's almost borderline obsessive for an undetermined period of time. In brainstorming for this post, I discovered that I have a ton of these "not-so-guilty pleasures," but for time's sake I have narrowed the list down to what I deem to be my top five. Here we go:

1. Saved by the Bell
- It actually pains me when I am talking with friends and/or acquaintances, and I reference an episode of Saved by the Bell, and they stare at me like I just spoke in Korean. I grew up watching this show, and I think it is an injustice to society that there are so many people out there that haven't seen it. But that's not the point of this post so I shall move on. I freaking love this show, and I have seen every episode literally hundreds of times. I can recite these episodes, I can pull funny quotes from these episodes when necessary, and I can tell you which season this episode came from, along with the episodes that preceded it and followed it. Even though I've seen them so many times, there are times when I get in a mood, and I will sit and watch Saved by the Bell for hours or even days at a time. (This is what I meant when I said "borderline obsessive.") There are things that come and go in life, but I am beyond certain that I will always turn to Saved by the Bell when the mood strikes.

2. Boy Bands
- Much like I get in Saved by the Bell moods, there are days when I want to do nothing but listen to boy bands and dance around my bedroom. Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, O-Town, NKOTB (New Kids on the Block for you rookies out there,) Dream Street, the list goes on. This is not music I listen to exclusively at this stage of my life, mainly because I have more developed tastes, and a lot of stuff from which to choose. I've had to make a lot of decisions about which music to take off my iPod just because I've got so much to put on there and no money to buy a 64 GB one right now, but those boy band playlists are constant, and they never get removed. You know, sometimes you just need to listen to a teenage boy sing to you about true love, even though he has no idea about true love, and dance around your room singing into a hairbrush. It happens.

3. Mint Oreos
- Growing up, getting name-brand anything was not something we were used to, because generic brand was way cheaper and everything tasted the same. Oreos were no different. I rarely remember having actual Oreo brand Oreos as a kid, we usually had like the Fareway brand sandwich cookies which weren't the same, but sufficed none-the-less. So actual Oreos were a treat. Even now that I have a job and make my own money, I hardly buy any food that is name brand, and I can't always justify spending $3.00 on a package of Oreos that I will more than likely eat in one sitting. However, when I do justify that spending, and it's usually when I'm stressed out or have had a bad day/week/whatever, it's always going to be mint Oreos, and yes, the entire package will get eaten in one sitting, and I'll probably either be listening to boy bands or watching SBTB while I eat them. Go ahead and judge.

4. Jimmy Fallon YouTube Videos
- I rarely watch Jimmy Fallon when he's actually on TV, but holy crap I watch the heavens out of his videos on YouTube. He is one of the funniest guys ever, and he always manages to get celebrities telling at least one funny story while he is interviewing them. Not to mention he always has some funny games, and any video that features him and Justin Timberlake is bound to be a good one. I spent 4 hours watching his videos before work one day (again with the borderline obsessive thing.) I really think Jimmy and Justin need their own show together, because I would watch the shit out of that thing. Moving on.

5. Easy Listening Music
- Much like with boy bands, my easy listening playlists (think Sinatra, Michael Buble, Harry Connick Jr., etc) never get taken off my iPod because when the mood for that music strikes, it must be there for me to listen to. Not nearly as many playlists as the boy bands, but they are still critical. CRITICAL (that was just for emphasis.)

So there you have it. Five of my not-so-guilty pleasures that I turn to when the mood strikes. Happy Monday!

The band that changed my life

As I mentioned in my last post, my friend Kam (his name is actually Kamron, but I literally never call him Kamron, I always call him Kam, therefore I always refer to him as Kam) gave me a BUNCH of music last year. Among all these songs were all the albums by this indie band called Jukebox the Ghost. I had no idea this band existed, had never heard of them, and had no idea what to expect when listening to their songs for the first time. Now, these guys are like Kam's second favorite band, so he was super hyped about them, and just talked about how amazing all their stuff was, and that he thought I was really going to like them since we have very similar tastes when it comes to music, among other things.  I didn't dive into listening to their tunes right away, because I was honestly super apprehensive about it. My whole thought process was "Oh God, I'm going to hate their music, and then it's going to be super awkward because Kam really likes these guys and I'm either going to have to lie about liking their music or just be straight up and say that I hate it and it's just going to create tension and I have no idea how to handle this situation." Don't mind the fact that that last sentence was a super run-on sentence; I'm over the fact and you should be as well. This all went down last semester, and that's when Kam and I first really started hanging out and getting to know each other, among other things, so I didn't want to like punch our developing friendship relationship thing in the face by absolutely hating his second favorite band. It was a legitimate concern if you ask me. So, forward a bit towards the end of the spring semster. I was talking to Kam one night, and we were both planning on staying up obnoxiously late to work on all the homework and projects that had been neglected over the last few days (well, I had been neglecting my work, no idea whether or not he'd been neglecting his.) As I often had done (and still do to be honest,) I asked him what music I should listen to while I was working [sidenote: I'll just randomly message him and ask him "what should I listen to right now?" "What's the best chill music to listen to right now?" "I need to focus: what should I listen to?" It's a miracle that he still answers me as often as I bug him, but that must mean I don't bug him nearly as much as I think I do. Back to the story ----->] Upon his suggestion, it was that night that I finally dived into the musical experience that is Jukebox the Ghost. I listened to every single album that night, in order, and... holy God. Any fears I had about the awkwardness that would develop if I hated this band were gone. The instrumentals were amazing, the voices were even more amazing, and some of the lyrics punched me in the feels harder than anything I've ever listened to ever (but more on that later.) As I'm listening to these songs, I'm still talking to Kam and randomly bringing up the ones I absolutely love, my reactions to everything, etc., and I know he was just sitting there like "Yes, I was right, this band is amazing, I told you Kelsey, I win."
The crucial moment for me the first time I listened to JtG was the song "The Great Unknown." I had never cried upon hearing a song for the first time, until I listened to that song that night at some ridiculously obscene early hour of the morning. The lyrics to that song majorly punched me in the feels, like total knockout of my feels. That song alone has changed my life, enough that I made a canvas with part of the chorus that hangs in my bedroom (which I shared a picture of on the JtG Facebook page and they totes liked it, no big deal or anything,) listened to that song 32 times in a row one night when I felt like my whole life was falling apart, and even started designing a tattoo that incorporates part of the lyrics. I'm going to link to this song at the end of the post because me talking about it doesn't do it justice, you really just need to hear it for yourself.
Now, since that initial hearing, I've literally listened to every single JtG song probably 100 times. That playlist is the most played one on my iPod, call me obsessive if you will. And even now that I've listened to them so many times, there are still moments where I truly "listen" to a song that I've heard 100 times and have another crazy emotional response like I did the first time I heard "The Great Unknown." Just a few weeks ago, I was listening to that playlist once again while working on final projects. There were two songs that night, "Man in the Moon," and "Show Me Where it Hurts." I had heard these songs a million times, but I think the first time I had actually LISTENED to those songs was that night, and I'm just sitting on my bed sobbing while listening to them because the instrumentals are so good, the lyrics are so good, and this band is just so good. That's 3 times that this band has made me break down and cry like a baby just due to the pure BEAUTY and realisticness (is that a word? If not I'm making it a word right now) of their music. I will link to those videos too. I could really link to every single video because they don't have a single bad song, but if I only give you 3, your appetite will be peaked and then you will seek them out and listen to more and my job will be done. *cue evil, maniacal laughter*
NOW, it's not just sappy, crying emotions that come into play when listening to JtG (Kam once said that it's not just music, they are an experience, and boy was he right.) Some songs just make me laugh, some make me want to rock out and dance like a super white girl, some songs get me super pumped up to be a productive member of society and get sh%^t done, and some just make me really ridiculously happy. I'm definitely one of those people where my mood affects what I want to listen to, and no matter what mood I'm experiencing, I can find at least one JtG song that will help with that mood: anger, sadness, heartbreak, happiness, nerves, etc., etc. etc. Hearing songs with lyrics that really connect to what I'm going through in life is an experience that is really hard to explain, but the feeling that comes with it is amazing: like I'm not alone in my struggles, and, as cheesy as this sounds, those songs will always be there when I need them, which is huge for me because I am a girl that feels like I don't have a lot of people there for me.  This band that I was so nervous that I was going to hate has become one of my top 5 favorite bands, and really did change my life. I have no idea how I can possibly ever repay Kam for that (and if he has any ideas, he should probs let me know about that, and this sentence is only in here because I know he will be reading this post at some time or another. *thumbs up*)
Two months from today, Kam and I are going to see JtG in Omaha. It's crazy that at this time last year, I had never even heard of this band and now I am so close to finally getting to see them in concert. I've had a countdown going since I bought the tickets, and you can guarantee that the whole experience is going to get thorough coverage on this blog thing that I've got here. I know that I'm most likely going to cry like a baby when they sing the three songs that got specific mentions in this post, and I'm probably going to cry just because I will actually be experiencing a band that means so much to me. This band had such a profound effect on me when I was just listening to recordings of their songs, so I can only imagine that the effect is going to be amplified by about a million when I am in the room with them listening to them live. I'm super glad that Kam is going to the concert with me, because I can't think of somebody I would rather experience this with than the guy who introduced me to this band that changed my life. That sounds super sappy, but holy CRAP I don't even care right now because I am super sappy where JtG is concerned. The guys in this band could probably care less that some over-emotional, 21 year old girl claims them to be "the band that changed her life," but I would love to get the opportunity to meet these guys after the show, get all my merch signed, and thank them for always being there for me.
So, I said this in my last post and I'm going to say it again here: go listen to Jukebox the Ghost. They might not have nearly the effect on you that they did on me, but they still have killer tracks. Check them out: http://www.jukeboxtheghost.com

VIDEOS

The Great Unknown            

Man in the Moon           

Everybody do the iTunes shuffle (now let me see you do the...)

Happy Winter Break blog-readers! Winter Break means you are about to get a barrage of posts on this blog, some of which may be really great, and some of which may be... not so great. I'll let you be the judge of that. I've been struggling to come up with topics to blog about, so I turned to the one thing that can help you think of anything when you are out of ideas: the Internet, more specifically Pinterest. I found several like "30 day blog challenge" type things, and printed a BUNCH of them out, and plan on pulling ideas from them to blog about while I'm home on break, and even after Winter Break has ended. A lot of these are going to dive deeper into the mystery of "Who exactly is Kelsey Monica Struck, and what makes her tick?" Sooo, if you have no desire to learn anything about me, my likes, my dislikes, or my life in general, you should probs find a new blog to follow or something better to do with your time. This is your last warning!


If you made it to this point, you've decided to continue reading and learning more about my life! Congratulations!
Anyone who knows me will be able to tell you that music is my life. It's who I am, it's what I do. Not only do I love to make music, but listening to music is one of my favorite things to do, right behind binge watching Netflix, but that's a post for another day. My iTunes library is home to 3,540 songs, which is quite small in comparison to some of the people I know. A big shout-out must go to one of my BFF's Kam for literally providing over half of the music in that library. I know he's probably reading this, so you're the bomb dude. I'm not going to write about all the songs in my library because let's be honest, I just don't want to. But, I am going to put my iTunes on shuffle and write about the first 10 songs that come up. I'll talk about how I feel towards that song, any memories it brings back, etc, etc, etc. There is a possibility that there will be songs that I am listening to for the VERY FIRST TIME as I'm doing this blog post because I haven't even had a chance to listen to half of the music that Kam gave me, because he gave me a bunch of music. A bunch. Literally, so many songs. So without further ado, here we go.

Song Number 1: Hungry Like the Wolf- Duran Duran

• I have a huge obsession with 80's music, especially 80's pop music. I have seen every special that VH1 has ever aired about 80's music. The 100 Greatest Songs of the 80's, the 100 Greatest One-Hit Wonders of the 80's, I Love the 80's, all of them. I actually used to sit and watch them with a piece of paper and pencil, and whenever I heard a song on their that I liked, I would write down the title and the artist. And I of course went and obtained all of those songs legally (heh, heh, heh.) Duran Duran actually has a ton of good tracks, and I'm kind of disappointed in myself that this is the only Duran Duran song I have in my iTunes library. May need to fix that. Duran Duran was also beautiful in the 80's. And their British, can't go wrong there. 

Song Number 2: Mistletoe- Jukebox the Ghost

• You may be asking yourself "Who the heck is Jukebox the Ghost?" If you are asking yourself that very question, GO LOOK THEM UP RIGHT NOW AND LISTEN TO ALL OF THEIR SONGS. Once again, Kam is to thank for introducing me to this band. I owe him super big because this band literally changed my life. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail because there is going to be more posts in the future that explore my love for Jukebox the Ghost and how exactly they changed my life. They don't have a bad song at all, but this certainly is not one of my super super favorites. But again, they don't have a bad song, so I'm not sitting here cringing just waiting for the song to end. Kam and I are actually going to see JtG in February and I'm freaking beyond excited for it. Here's their website, I was serious about checking them out: http://www.jukeboxtheghost.com

Song Number 3: Blue Ocean Floor- Justin Timberlake

• This is off JT's latest album, and this is the first time I've heard this particular track from that album. So you, readers, are getting my first hand opinion of this song. I've loved JT since his N'SYNC days so we will see what my opinions are of this song. First impressions: JT's voice is like fine wine, it just gets better with age. The instrumental tracks are also pretty good, the way the volume and different sounds play together make it feel "wave-like," which makes sense since the title involves the word ocean. This is just really pretty, and very chill. I've been big into chill music lately, and this is probably going to get added to my chill music playlist. I wouldn't mind having JT just come serenade me with this song. The instrumentals at the ending just made this song. Good stuff. 

Song Number 4: I Will Always Love You- Dolly Parton

• Yes kids, it's true, Whitney did not originally sing this song. I'm not bashing the Whitney version at all, because that song is one of my faves to put on when I just need to belt really really loud. Dolly's version is not nearly as bombastic as Whitney's, but a lot of it's beauty for me is in the simplicity. Simple instrumental backing, and Dolly's light country voice. I'm not nearly as big of a country fan as I used to be, but Dolly will always rank up there in my tops for female country artists.

Song Number 5: I Want to Hold Your Hand- The Beatles

• The Beatles. The Fab Four. Literally my number one favorite band, hands down. I haven't done a story yet, so I'll do some stories with this one. I went to Hawaii for Spring Break last year, and there was a Beatles tribute/cover band playing at some fancy hotel down the street from where we were staying. I went to this show with Kam and his roommate Chase. This was the first Beatles tribute band I had ever seen, but Kam and Chase had seen several because they are also both huge fans of The Beatles. This band was not that great, and Kam and I ended up going to see a band do a bunch of Beatles covers in Cherokee, IA a few weeks later that was way cheaper and way better, but I digress. The best part of that entire show in Hawaii was how Kam and I just kept talking about how the guy playing George looked like a creepy serial killer. Anyway, Beatles: fantastic, good, love them. 

Song Number 6: You're Nobody Til Somebody Loves You- Michael Buble

• Oh, Mr. Buble. Easy listening, Sinatra-esque music is one of my guilty pleasures. Mr. Buble definitely delivers on this song. I envision myself in like the 1930s in some speak-easy laying on the grand piano drinking a Gin and tonic while Michael sings this song to me with the horns backing him up on stage. Too much information? #SorrynotSorry. Being an instrumentalist, I'm a killer for songs with good horn lines and horn sections, and this song delivers. 

Song Number 7: Always- Paul McCartney

• Another song that I am hearing for the first time right now. Being that it's a song by Paul McCartney, I know it's not going to suck. I appreciate the simplicity of the accompaniment: bass and guitar. What more do you need honestly? Oh now we've got some piano and some brushes on the drums, a light jazzy feel. Me gusta. This is another song that I wouldn't mind someone singing to me (hint hint to any future suitors out there, or any musician friends who need to give me a birthday present.) I really want to learn to play guitar, random side-note. Another random side-note: I think my Uncle John looks a lot like Paul McCartney. I don't think he has the musical talent of Paul McCartney, mainly because Paul McCartney is a wizard and my uncle is not.  

Song Number 8: Huron Carol- The Five-Fifths

• Yay, a Christmas song! This is off an Irish, Celtic-y Christmas album. We love Christmas in this house, and we love Christmas music more than we love Christmas. We have an entire CD case that is just Christmas CD's. I'm not even kidding. This is not one of the well-known Christmas carols, so if you've never heard it let me give you quick synopsis of the song: it's about Jesus being born. AKA it's about Christmas. It has some cool instrumentals: guitar, like a recorder or lute or something along those lines, violin, finger cymbals. A stereotypical Celtic sounding song, but not in a bad way. And it ends with a Picardy 3rd (for non-music people, a major chord in an otherwise minor key.) 

Song Number 9: Stairway to Heaven- Led Zeppelin

• This song is just a classic. I don't know what more to say about it. The guitar part is probably my favorite part of the song (I tend to either really love the guitar part or really love the drum part, in terms of instrumentals.) One of my mom's high school prom themes was "Stairway to Heaven," as many schools probably did after the song became popular, so that's a fun fact. I would ask her more about her "Stairway to Heaven" themed prom, but she's sleeping since she actually has to get up and be a contributing member of society tomorrow, unlike me (well, I don't have to contribute until 3:00, so I've got some time.)

Song Number 10: All For Love- O-Town

• Another guilty pleasure is boy bands. Now, I was not nearly as big of an O-Town fan as my big sister, because I was a NSYNC loyalist (although I also listened to BSB, but don't tell anybody.) Young, teenagey voices singing about love and how it's all for me, who doesn't need that stuff in their life every now and then? If nothing else, it provides a fun flashback to childhood and the simplicity of it all. I don't even remember half of the names of the dudes in O-Town, just Ashley Angel because he was my sister's favorite and his posters adorned her bedroom. 

So, there you have it: a small sampling of my vast iTunes library. As you can tell, I listen to lots of different stuff, and possess lots of music that I haven't even had a chance to listen to yet (partly because I have lots of songs [thanks Kam] and partly because I tend to get into moods where I fixate on one particular playlist or one particular band for months at a time. Like, lately it's been a back and forth between 3 particular bands, who I'm not going to mention now because they may or may not get their own blog posts in the near future, who knows?
Let me leave you with one last piece of advice: GO LISTEN TO JUKEBOX THE GHOST!!!!

Holy Wow

As of about 4:15 this afternoon, I am completely finished with the academic coursework portion of my undergraduate degree. I'm still sitting here almost 3 hours later trying to wrap my head around the fact that I am done with college courses at this point in my life (and I only say that because I'm 95% confident that I will end up at graduate school someday.) I am a month away from student teaching, about 4 months away from graduation, and about to embark on actual adult life. And to be completely honest, I am so freaking beyond scared for all of that stuff to happen, it's not even funny. There are so many "what if's" that are going through my head right now. What if I hate student teaching? What if a middle school student makes me cry? What if a high school student outsmarts me? What if I'm a terrible teacher? What if I fail the Praxis II? Now, I've been told it's very normal to be scared about student teaching, and one of my education advisers told me she would be worried if I WASN'T scared. It's very overwhelming to suddenly try and synthesize 3.5 years of stuff I've learned in college into my head for everyday use, and it's even more overwhelming to think about the fact that I'm going to be in charge of actual STUDENTS, not just my fellow music majors pretending to be students. I'm sitting here thinking "Oh dear God, I don't remember anything about the alto saxophone;" "How do I play a Bb on a tuba;" "How do a put a new head on a snare drum?" It's scary. I'm so worried that I am going to let myself down, and let down everyone who has helped me along my journey of becoming a band director. But wanna know what's not scary? The fact that right alongside all the fear in my body is a whole bunch of excitement. I've spent the last 3.5 years learning about music, something I absolutely LOVE, and now I get to go out into the field and share that love with students. That's pretty damn awesome if you ask me.
So I'm scared. But I'm also excited. And I know that I've got a ton of people that will always believe in me and are there to cheer me on. So bring it on student teaching, I'm ready for you!

A little unpredictability is..a good thing?

Life is unpredictable. That's a fact that we all know to be true no matter what, but it's not until things in your life take a complete 180 degree turn from where you thought they would be that the actual reality of the truth behind that statement becomes apparent. Anyone who knows me well enough will describe me as an uptight, high-strung person who has a plan for EVERYTHING. I live by lists and schedules, and when things get chaotic or don't go as planned, my anxiety levels rise and  my discomfort in the situation is blatantly apparent. It's very hard for me to accept that there are things in life that I can't plan for, put on a schedule, or check off a to-do list, and it's even harder for me to accept that all the planning, scheduling, and list-making in the world cannot compete with the unpredictability that life offers us. I had all these ideas of what this semester was going to entail for me: my last semester of college. I was going to finally synthesize all the knowledge I had learned the last four years before embarking on my first experience teaching students, I was going to practice my butt off on French horn, I had a guy in my life that made me super happy and I was going to spend as much time with him as possible, and I was going to make a ton of memories with my friends before the "responsibility" of adulthood set in. But, life decided to hit my plans with the unpredictability hammer and send the semester in a completely different direction than I wanted or had envisioned it going. Instead of having a guy to spend time with and make me happy, I spent many a night sobbing over said guy and drowning my sorrows in a Captain and Coke (or several Captain and Cokes, but I digress.) Instead of making tons of memories with my friends, I spent most of my Friday nights watching Netflix by myself in my room, again with the good company of the Captain. People that I used to be really close to are like strangers now, barely talking to me and almost pretending like the history we have isn't important, that our friendship isn't important anymore. I have to drag myself across town to go to class, have to reason with myself to do my homework, and don't even get me started on the whole concept of practicing. On top of all that, I have people that are talking about me and judging me when they have no idea what I've been through in the last two months, how it's affected me and how I feel about myself since the whole shindig went down. The evil force of unpredictability really upset my life, and threw all my plans out the window.
When I look at things through a "non-Kelsey" perspective, I can see how the unpredictability that completely turned my life around this semester has been somewhat of a good thing, that whole concept of a learning experience, and "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," yada yada yada. So I present a really crappy list of what I've learned through this whole thing.

1. People are going to talk about you no matter what, it's a fact of life. They have no idea what you go through, how things affect you, and the inner struggles you go through on a daily basis. Obviously, they have much more time on their hands as college students than I do to have time to sit around and make fun of me or talk about me. It bothers me, but at the end of the day, I'm the only one who knows what I'm going through and how it's affecting me (well me, plus like 2 other people, one of whom is my mother. I'll let you wonder who the other person is.)
2. People aren't always who you think they are, and no matter how hard you try, you can't force someone to make you a priority in their lives, even if they are a priority in yours. It sucks, but that's just the way it works.
3. You can't plan for everything, and even if you try to plan for everything, life is going to come by with her unpredictability hammer and upset some things. You can either let the unpredictability drown you, or you can grab onto the few things that have remained, and try to stay afloat. I will admit, I've let unpredictability try to drown me much longer than I should have with this whole situation, and I blame part of that on the fact that I never saw it coming, and was led to believe that what I had THOUGHT would happen and had PLANNED on happening would happen. I've managed to stay afloat this long, and everyday, I feel like I am getting better at swimming a bit farther on my own (this is a terrible metaphor but it's the best I've got right now so deal.)
4. In a few years from now, none of this shit is going to matter. I'll look back on how I reacted to getting my heart ripped out of my chest and curb-stomped by a pair of cowboy boots, and say "What a stupid little girl you were." It won't matter that people talked behind my back about how I was naive in thinking that it would ever work, because they don't know anything about the relationship we had at all. And if he decides that I'm not someone he wants in his life, I'll move on.
5. This is the one that I think is most important for me. YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT. Heartbreak sucks, struggling sucks, feeling like you aren't good enough, pretty enough, anything enough for somebody sucks, and the unpredictability of life SUCKS. But I've made it 77 days (and I just had to count that, I'm not keeping track of the days, so calm down.) And I'm going to keep making it. This whole thing has taught me that I'm a lot tougher and stronger than I realize, and it's also taught me that I'm a lot more vulnerable and "feely" than I realized. There are going to be hard days and there are going to be good days, and no matter what I think, I am equipped to deal with both in my own way.
So, I guess not all the unpredictability of life is a bad thing. Even if the unpredictability itself isn't good, you can learn a lot about yourself and what you are made of.

I must add a sixth thing to the list of what I've learned before I leave this post:
6. If you are going to partake in way more adult beverages than you should, eat chicken fries from Burger King. Just trust me.

Miss Kelsey's apprehensive (that means nervous)

The episode of "Full House" where Jesse and Rebecca find out they are going to be having twins is probably one of my top five quotable episodes of "Full House," mainly due to the root of the title for this post. Basically, Jesse is freaking the heck out because he's going to have two babies, and tells Michelle that he's apprehensive, and when she doesn't know what that means, he tells her it means nervous. The whole family finally finds out that "UNCLE JESSE'S APPREHENSIVE, THAT MEANS NERVOUS." Yada, yada, yada, you've all seen the episode. Anyhow I use that phrase more than is probably socially acceptable now, but it makes an especially clever-ish title for the post that is about to follow, so buckle up and get ready for the ride (it's not really going to be that exciting but I have to talk it up, it is my blog after all.)
So yes, I'm sitting here at 8:15 on a Saturday morning with feelings of apprehension and nerves? Kelsey, why are you nervous you ask? Well, it all starts with the most mentioned person on my blog in the last two weeks, Guy. He and I are hanging out tonight for really the first time since everything has gone down, gotten super awkward, made me sad, then started to get "normal" again. (I promise I'm not obsessed with Guy, he's just been, well, a major part of my life happenings lately. Get over it.) I can't really explain why I'm so nervous for us to hang out. I know one part of it is the fact that we are going to the same concert that we went on our first date too. That's probably the majority of the "weird" vibes I'm kind of feeling about it in all reality.
I'm more apprehensive about how I'm going to be throughout the night. I've gotten to a point where the majority of my sadness, bitterness, whatever is mostly gone about the situation, mainly because I did the grieving thing and being bitter about it isn't going to change what happened, so why waste my energies? But I'm apprehensive that being with him, just the two of us, hanging out like we used to do ALL THE FREAKING TIME is going to bring those feelings back, because the dynamics have majorly changed since the last time we hung out, and the last time we went to this concert specifically. The way I'm seeing it there are three possible outcomes for this evening:
1. I'm going to be fine, we're going to hang out and talk about random crap like we always have, and we'll both have a really fun night spending time with one another.
2. I'm going to come home and sob my eyes out yet again because he didn't want me to be his girlfriend.
3. I'm going to get super bitter halfway through the evening and barely want to talk to him or look at him and things will be real weird during the ride back to SL.
Now, I'm hoping that outcome number 1 is the one that prevails, because I'm sick of crying and being bitter is just a waste of energy. I'm at a point where the sadness is gone 90% of the time, but I would be lying if I didn't say that this evening could be one of the instances in the 10% where it comes creeping back to haunt me. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens. I was equally as nervous the first time he took me to this concert, but for a whole different set of much happier reasons.

It's My Life

I've always been a person who has sought out advice and opinions from other people. I genuinely have an interest in what others think, and Lord knows I'm always interjecting my opinions into situations so I figure it's best if I let other people interject their opinions into my situation. But I have a real problem with people trying to make decisions for me, or tell me what I am feeling about a particular situation. If you guessed that I'm referring once again to the friend-zoning thing, CONGRATULATIONS, you are smart. I will admit, I was a mess when it first happened, and I feel that was a completely normal reaction to have when something completely unexpected happens. But after my periods of anger, sad, depression, whatever, I know what I want my relationship with "Guy" as I referred to him in earlier posts to be, and I'm ready to start that relationship. There are so many people trying to convince me that I need to just remove Guy from my life, like they want me to forget all the amazing times I had with him and the beyond amazing conversations we've had about anything and everything. Some days it feels like nobody cares about what I want in this situation or what I need, except Guy, and believe me, the irony in that  is not lost on me. I've accepted the fact that Guy is never going to be my boyfriend. I'm not going to lie and pretend that I'm 100% okay with it, it's more like 75% on a good day, but I've accepted that it's going to be a thing. I'm never going to fully understand why it didn't work, but Guy is always going to be one of my best friends, and his happiness is what's most important, even if that happiness is not with me. I'm sick of people accusing me of being so gung-ho about this new relationship because I'm holding onto some shred of hope that it's going to make him change his mind and decide that we are perfect for each other. That thought has not ONCE crossed my mind in the last 3 weeks. I'm gung-ho about this new relationship because I need Guy in my life. There is nobody else I can talk to about anything, nobody that makes me laugh or shake my head in disbelief nearly as much, nobody that can make me feel better when I'm sad, and nobody that gives nearly as great of hugs. Just because we aren't dating doesn't mean any of those things have to go away, and although I've felt super awkward about everything the last few weeks (Lord knows what Guy is feeling) the awkwardness is gone. I'm not a girl who has a lot of friends for whatever reason, and Guy is one of the best. I can't just get rid of someone that legitimately enjoys spending time with me (well, I mean, I think it's legitimate :/) and likes to do the same type of stuff I do (mainly listen to good music, go to Beatles cover concerts, go roller skating, although that one still hasn't happened YET and waste our lives away in Edson.) Plus he thinks I'm funny, which is 100% true naturally, but it's still nice to be reaffirmed of that fact every now and then. He and I have had a lot of conversations in the past 3 weeks, some have been pleasant and some have been a bit on the "heavy" side of things, and certain conversations with him in this time period have been more helpful with the acceptance of this situation than anything else anyone has tried to tell me. I personally feel that we are going to be able to be a lot more open with each other now because there is not that weird "I'm trying to impress you super hard because I wanna be your Bae thing" (and Guy, if you're reading this, and that's completely off the mark, you should let me know that......)
 People like Guy don't come along very often in life, and when you've got someone like him in your life, regardless of whether it's a friend, a Bae, or some random dude you occasionally talk to, you don't let him go. So Guy, I know you are reading this, and I want you to fully recognize that you better get ready for a lifelong ride of crazy, because I intend on being one of your best friends until I'm either committed or dead.
So I'm done caring what other people think about this. I don't care if they think I'm jumping into hanging out and doing stuff with Guy too fast, and I don't care if they think I'm doing it because I have some weird false hope that he's going to magically decide he's in love with me and that we're going to be together forever (let's be honest, that crap never happens in real life anyway.) The only opinions that really matter are me and Guy's, and so far he's been nothing but supportive of me getting shit figured out and of us still being best friends. I appreciate that everyone is concerned for my mental well-being and all that crap, but at the end of the day, Bon Jovi said it best...

Short and Sweet

Frustration. Frustration. Frustration. Frustration.
I'm a frustration bomb that is about to explode and it's going to be ugly when it happens.

People Always Leave

http://i287.photobucket.com/albums/ll126/lovinghate07/people-always-leave.jpg

If you've never watched One Tree Hill, this title and this picture mean absolutely nothing to you. But those who have watched the show immediately think of the artist: the dark, damaged girl that is Peyton Sawyer. She is the quintessential example of the girl who seems to have everything she could possibly want, yet she doesn't. Peyton gets left by a lot of people in the show, and I'm not going to spoil that for those of you who have been living under a rock and haven't watched the show yet (seriously though, all 9 seasons are on Netflix, go watch it, it will change your life.) I didn't feel like I could relate a lot of Peyton Sawyer because I saw a lot more of Haley James Scott in myself (#tutorgirl) but this is the one thing I think I can agree with Peyton Sawyer on. People always leave. It's crazy how people can just walk in and out of your life, never staying, or leaving the role they once fulfilled for something that isn't nearly what you expected.
People leaving my life is something I've grown used to. My family (I'm talking extended family here) walks in and out of my life when it's convenient for them, people I went to school with for twelve years stopped caring about our friendship the day we got those high school diplomas, and people I've met at college don't think I'm "fun" enough to be around, so they walk out of my life too. I'm not going to put all the blame on them, because if I cared enough about having them stay in my life, I'd try a hell of a lot harder to keep them there, but what's the point, when people always leave anyway? I don't like to think I'm a cynical person, but this is one topic where I'm really cynical. Why should I waste my time and energy getting to know a person, telling them things I don't like to talk about, becoming reliant on their support and advice, when they are just going to leave? Even if they are still a part of your life, once they choose to fulfill some new role, it's like they left anyway. Why bother getting close to someone when you know that they're just going to leave, and become more like a stranger than a friend anyway?
 I guess the one bright spot of hope is that once in awhile, you find someone who won't leave. I just don't think I've found enough of those people yet.

The best therapy in life is free

I started this blog back in 2011, and I honestly don't remember the mindset behind me wanting to start it. There's a great possibility that I was just really bored and needed something to do on a random afternoon, I'd almost be willing to bet money that that is what happened. It's interesting for me to look back and see the posts from the previous years, and not only see how much funnier I've become (it's true, don't deny it,) but to also see how the subject matter of my blog has changed. I went from posting lists of the 25 books I read in 6 weeks because I had no friends, recipes that I baked, or projects I had crocheted, to writing about judging others, religion, and being friend-zoned. Since my friend zone post is the most recent, that's the one I'm going to focus on for the message of this post. Before blogging last night about the "incident," I was a ticking time bomb of emotions: I was crushed, pissed off, confused, and anything but happy. "Guy" as I referred to him in my other post broke my heart, and that's not something that I think anyone can really get over that quickly. After spending a night practicing in the music building, I was driving home and reflecting back on the night he told me he wanted to just be friends, much like I had been doing since the night it happened, and I started having this inner monologue with myself about how I felt, and the things that I had realized about myself since the occurrence. This inner monologue continued when I got home, and even though I was determined to be asleep before 11:00 for the first time all week, I had to let my laptop get enough juice so I could type that blog post while the thoughts were still fresh in my mind and I was brave enough to post it. This sounds super corny, but this insane sense of calm and acceptance of the situation came over me after I proof-read the post for the final time and hit publish. That post was me taking the entire sucky situation that had been on the forefront of my mind for the last two weeks, and throwing it out of the nest (that metaphor was terrible but I digress.) I told my friend Ethan that it was therapeutic, that getting all my feelings out into a semi-funny blog post had helped more than anything else I have tried in the last two weeks to get it off of my mind. There's something about just putting my feelings into words that finally helped me let go of this crazy false hope I had been clinging to, you know, that feeling where things would turn around and Guy would realize that he wanted me, blah, blah, blah, blah. For the first time in two weeks, I'm ready to start bringing happiness back into my life again on MY TERMS.
I've never consistently blogged since I started college, mainly because it's hard to keep up with everything when your plate is chocked full of homework, working, classes, and practicing (#musicmajorlife.) But this is a big year for me, and I've got so many changes that are going to start happening, and I want to feel that same sense of calm and acceptance I felt after writing last night's post, so why the hell shouldn't I blog about stuff? It doesn't matter to me that nobody reads these posts, and I may look back in 15 years and think "Kelsey Monica, why on earth did you blog that on the INTERNET for a bunch of people to see?" But right now, in this moment, this blog is exactly what I need: an unbiased place for me to write about what I'm going through in order for me to digest it and roll with the punches of life. So get ready for a lot more posts about a lot of things, because my life is starting to move towards a new path, and it's happening whether I'm ready or not.

So, I just got friend-zoned

It's been nearly a year since I blogged, and I mean I could blame it on the whole "busy college schedule thing" but really I just haven't been struck with the inspiration to blog. But as you can see by the title of this post, something pretty big happened in my life recently and I'm here to blog about it. But first, the background story (aka before the friend-zoning.. not sure if that's a verb or not but I just made it one.....)
So, back in February, I developed a middle-school girl crush on a guy who is in a similar major to mine. For the sake of anonymity, we are going to call this guy "Guy." (PSA- if anyone reading this blog actually knows the whole story and the name of Guy, PLAY ALONG.) Guy was smart, funny, made me laugh, and was pretty easy on the eyes. It took me quite a long time to get the courage to actually tell Guy that I liked him, although I was being pretty damn obvious about my feelings the entire time, and turns out he knew way before I told him that I was into him (cue Kelsey looking like an idiot.) I told him, and I got the message I was honestly expecting to get: "you're a great friend, and I think we should just stay friends." Sigh. Since I expected it, I wasn't too crushed about it, and we continued being friends and hanging out and doing stuff together. We had been planning on going to this Beatles tribute concert as friends (we are both huge fans of The Fab Four,) and the night before the concert, Guy asked if it was okay with me if we considered the shin-dig a date. Me, being super poise and cool, was like "yeah, sure, whatever," then immediately asked if it was still okay for me to wear jeans. So, I guess that is what you could call the beginning of our "dating." I put dating in quotes because it wasn't dating as most people think about it this day in age. If I had to put a label on it, it was definitely "emotional dating" purely because there was no physical things that go along with dating (and I'm talking innocent stuff here people, get yo minds out of the gutter!) We talked a lot, and he probably knows me better than anybody now. Guy is easy to talk to, and I didn't have any problems sharing anything with him in all honesty. Then the worst thing that can happen to a "dating" couple in college happened: Guy went back home for the summer. We talked most everyday throughout the summer, and saw each other a few times. I couldn't wait for him to get back for the new school year so we could go back to seeing each other every day.
So that's pretty much the background. Guy was the one person in the world I felt like I could talk to about anything, and he was supportive ,and gave me great advice, and always made me smile when I was feeling sad.
I'm not going to go into great detail about the whole friend-zone thing, because I'm pretty sure that we all know how that works. Naturally, I did not react  well to the news. I came home, threw myself onto my bed, and sobbed my heart out for 4 hours. I felt like the world was going to end, that my life no longer had meaning, and that I was just this undesirable human being that was always going to be alone.
This happened 2 weeks ago. Looking back, I want to go back in time and slap myself across the face. Being friend-zoned sucks, don't get me wrong, but throughout this entire "dating" process, I was basing my ENTIRE happiness on Guy. If we didn't talk, if he didn't respond to a message, if I tried to be flirty and he didn't play back, I was crushed. Like, nobody should ever base their entire happiness on ONE FREAKING GUY/GIRL, even if they are the greatest thing since sliced-bread. I made the age-old mistake of falling WAY TOO HARD for the first person to show romantic interest in me. Rookie move, Kelsey Monica, rookie move. Guy and I had this great connection that was full of potential, but at the end of the day, he's a tomato and I'm a peanut butter sandwich, and no matter how awesome those two are separately, they're never going to be good together. But that doesn't mean the tomato and the peanut butter sandwich can't be friends. And honestly, looking back on the situation from an outsider perspective, that's really all we've been this entire time. I might have tricked myself into thinking that it was much more because I was so into him and wanted it to work out, but I think I might have known that it wasn't going to manifest into anything romantic, I just didn't want to admit it.
So we're trying this whole friends thing again. I did my whole grieving process, which involved many tears, lots of alcohol, and two tubes of Pillsbury Cookie Dough, and it's time for us to get back to the place where it's not going to be hella awkward for the both of us. But I think it'll be alright, because we've just been really close friends this entire time. Of course, I'm going to have to stop my shameless flirting with him, and mentally chastise myself when I find myself gazing at him when I should be paying attention to other things. I hope we can get to the point where we can talk like we used to, and that Guy will once again be the person that I can talk to about anything, and I can only hope that he finds me as supportive, caring, and helpful. He's one of my closest friends, and he's important to me, and I'm going to stop being so freaking dramatic and figure out a way to keep him in my life for the long haul.
So in conclusion, being friend-zoned still sucks. But after I did my dramatic girl reaction, I realized that I'm going to be okay, and someday I'll find the perfect jelly to accompany my peanut butter sandwich.